Your Worst Ex
by suriru
Summary: [AU] Chapter 15 updated. Just a couple more chapters to go. [SF, SJ, VJ]
1. She Was Late

Disclaimer: I don't own Cowboy Bebop. I'm just reusing the characters. Lyrics thanks to Taking Back Sunday - _Set Phasers to Stun_

-

**Chapter 1 :** _She Was Late_

_-_

_your famous words started_

_once your finger hit the snooze_

_"just nine more minutes, please..."_

_and they all know where to find me_

_every word I said, what a big mistake_

_and the ones you looked down on_

_are keeping me away_

_-_

My first day at Adelphi University and I was late. LATE! FOR HOMEROOM! I had finally reached the college entrance gates before they closed for the morning and pushed and shoved people aside, running down the campus to reach the 5th building for math. I was late enough already.

"Hey! Watch it, freshman!" I heard some girls yell behind me. Never mind, I'd deal with them later. Didn't they know I was late?! I checked my watch- 8:30, making me fifteen minutes behind schedule.

The sakura blossoms fell down silently about me as I ran; these trees were planted everywhere in Singapore. I heard my stepsister's words as she looked at me, holding her parasol like a perfect lady. "Well isn't that beautiful..."

Her smile could kill.

&&&

Ten minutes later, I stood in front of my homeroom. I was hesitant to slide open the door, as I heard the male teacher's voice signaling the lecture had already begun. I really messed up this time. I was trying to create a good reputation in this new school, but I was already tardy. What kind of first impression was I giving? I wanted to prove I was responsible and dependable..

I sighed and gathered up my courage, tucking my violet hair behind my right ear as I prepared to open the door.

"Let me do it."

I looked up to see a pair of amber brown eyes staring back at me, along with a mass of green hair.

"I'll handle this." He continued. I rolled my eyes and stepped aside, letting the guy slide open the door.

"Ah." The teacher acknowledged our presence as he examined the both of us. He looked down at a sheet of paper in his hand. You must be "Spiegel-san." The guy in front of me nodded. "Why are you two late? Have you come together?"

I opened my mouth to protest, but the guy interrupted. "Yes, sir, we both woke up late. I apologize for our tardiness. We will avoid any trouble from now on." We? We?! Who did this guy think he was?

"Alright then. Please find yourself a seat." The Spiegel guy turned and walked down the aisle as the other students bore their eyes into his back. He took an empty seat on the last row to the left.

"And you must be Valentine-san." I bowed. "Hai, I am."

The teacher smiled and pointed to another empty seat in the row next to Spiegel's. I held my chin in the air as I walked to my seat. I sat down, dropping my bag silently and turned my attention to the front, noting the name "Mr. Arimara" written in a messy script on the blackboard. Sensei tapped the board with his wooden pointer and continued from where he had left off.

"Psst."

I looked to my right and saw a girl whose eyes were still focused up front. "I'm Olivo. But you can call me Electra." She paused to smile and added, "I like you already, Valentine."

I smirked. "And why is that?"

"You have a lot of pride." She turned to face me fully. I looked quickly into her eyes, searching for a hidden motive that could not be revealed. I saw none.

"Alright. You can call me Faye."

Suddenly a paper ball bounced off Electra's head and softly fell on the floor. I instantly turned to where it had been thrown from.

It was Spiegel.

He turned away quickly and pretended to be busy rapping the table with his fingertips.

"It was..." I started.

"...Spike. I know." Electra said, rolling her eyes.

"Does he normally..." I tried to think of how to finish. I replaced it with, "How immature."

"Yeah, he's a kid when he wants to be. And a real flirt. He's been wanting me for a while now." She stifled a laugh. "...but I'm already with Vincent. He's my boyfriend."

I smiled. She was happy with him.

I turned back to the front of the room before she added, "Better watch out, Faye, he'll be after you, too." She began to copy the notes on the board. "And you'll fall for him, just like every other girl he's wanted."

"Whatever." I replied.

Electra didn't know me well enough to know I'm not just any woman. I am Faye Valentine.


	2. A Little Selfish

Background info: Allison is a real character used in the manga version, frequently compared to Faye by Spike for her trouble making and unruliness...Lyrics credited to Taking Back Sunday - _Bonus Mosh pt. II_

-

**Chapter 2 :** _Rivalry, Greed, and Something Infinite_

_-_

_so scream louder now, I'm bound to come about_

_but can't you, can't you feel it rolling of your lips?_

_tensing up your shoulders..._

_c'mon, say it is._

_well it's love._

_-_

My morning classes were over and I was free until three in the afternoon for my last elective, this optional gun safety class. That sounded fun. I snickered to myself. Really fun. Electra wasn't in any of my other classes so far, and neither was Spiegel. Thank God.

As I walked out of the 2nd building after communication, my stomach growled and I realized it was time for lunch. I didn't have any money with me so I knew I'd have to pull a few tricks up my sleeve and find a guy to take me out and pay for the bill. I scanned the campus, seeing a few people sitting down by the fountain, girls giggling by the buildings, frustrated people trying to get the vending machines to work, couples behind the trees...

I saw one particular man that caught my attention. He was blonde haired and blue-eyed and seemed to be attracting a lot of women. I watched him for a while, noticing the way he smiled and how often he did so. Which was quite a lot. He seemed reasonable, so I approached.

"Hi there." I said sweetly, giving my most innocent smile.

He looked up, hearing the sound of my voice and pushed the other women aside as they squealed in objection and fell to the floor.

"Hello there beautiful, my name is Jones. Andy Jones. I will now take you out for lunch at Trista Aria's, down the street."

I cocked my eyebrow. Wow, that was...fast. "Why, thank you, Mr. Jones, I'd be glad to."

"No, no, no, do call me Andy." He took my arm in his and began to march toward the exit gates.

Wasn't he going to ask me my name? "I'm, uh, Faye Valentine..."

"Oh? That's almost as sexy as mi—" He was interrupted with a punch to the face. I felt him loosen his grip on my arm and watched him fall to the floor.

"You asshole, what did I tell you about monopolizing all the women in the damn university?!"

Spiegel? What was he doing here? Nevertheless, this was quite amusing...

Andy slowly got up and was about to brush off his blazer before he was punched again.

"And what did I tell you about being an arrogant bastard?"

I could only see Spiegel from the back and Andy sprawled out on the floor. I looked to my side as another guy slowly walked up to him and called out his name.

"Spike. What are you doing now?"

Spiegel didn't turn his head to answer. "I'm teaching this dumbass a lesson."

The man turned to look at me and smiled very slightly. Then he turned back to Spiegel. "Well I think you need to calm down. You do understand, you two have a lot in common. For one thing, you're both hotheaded. Even Miss Valentine can see that."

How did he know my name?

"Of course they are, anyone can see that." He continued.

By this time, Andy had already gotten up and was face to face with Spike. "Not now, Spiegel. Not in front of the women." He grinned and fluffed up his curly blonde hair, and then looked at his watch. "I'm going to be late for my next class. See you...next time." He saluted Spiegel and turned around swiftly, heading for the path for the 4th building.

"HELL NO YOU DON'T! You can't just run from a challenge, you fucking coward! And it's not like you pay any attention in school!" Spike called out, preparing to run after Andy and tackle him down. But the anonymous guy stepped forward and held him back. "Why don't we just take Miss Valentine out for lunch?"

Spiegel gradually released his tensed shoulders and finally agreed. "Yes, Vicious. That'd be alright."

-

"I don't think you two have been properly introduced, so Spike, go ahead and do so." the Vicious guy urged Spiegel.

He stopped from his walk ahead of us and looked back, tilting his head as he inspected me. I tilted my own head back in mockery. He smiled and quickly stuck out his hand in front of me. "I'm Spike Spiegel. You can address me by 'Spike.' I know we've already met, earlier this morning, right?"

I took his hand in mine and shook it. It felt awkward and professional. "Yeah, we did. I'm Faye."

"And hello, Faye, I'm Vicious. Spike and I have known each other since first year middle school."

"Yeah." Spike agreed in faked annoyance.

"And who was that other guy, Mr. Jones?" I asked.

"Oh? Andy?"

I nodded.

"That fucking bastard..." Spike muttered.

Vicious ignored him and said, "We met him around second year high school and ever since their first encounter, Spike and Andy have been sworn enemies. I have no idea why, they have so much alike."

I laughed ; from what I've seen, it was true.

Spike suddenly changed the subject. "Where are we eating again?"

"Let's go to Trista Aria's, I don't think I've ever been there. That's where I was supposed to go." I offered.

"Then Trista Aria it is." Vicious finalized.

-

The restaurant was extremely elegant and expensive-looking. I gasped upon entering the front doors. Spike and Vicious seemed to be frequent customers because we were automatically greeted by a waitress. "Hello! The usual area, I presume?" Spike nodded at her.

I followed them up to the second floor and out onto a balcony where a table was waiting for us under a shaded tree. Spike pulled out a chair for me and I smiled in thanks as I sat down.

"This place is amazing. You both come here often?" I asked, looking all around me.

"Well..." Spike began.

"Yes, we come here often." Vicious finished. "Do you like it?"

I wasn't stupid. I knew they both probably brought dozens of women here many times before. I was nothing different. "It's beautiful. I'm sure the food is, too." I said expectantly.

"It is." Spike assured me.

"The menus are here." Vicious announced as the waitress handed them to us. I stared at my menu and chuckled to myself. I got the right men to take me out to lunch.

-

Halfway through our meal, I heard the distinct clicking of stilettos coming our way. I looked up to see a woman with piercing blue eyes walking carefully in our direction. But she had raven-black hair. If not for the hair, I would've thought....

"Spike." The woman said, very softly. What a beautiful voice- probably a wonderful vocalist. It was another dagger in my heart that I was not much of a singer. I didn't have much to admire, after all. I shook my head and turned my attention to Spike. He knew her?

Spike looked up from his plate of food, his hand still gripping his cold glass of alcoholic drink. I saw him focus on her, his expression as if remembering. "Allison.." He suddenly got up. "I didn't know you came here."

Allison smiled. "You act like you don't want to see me." She paused and continued more seriously. "It's been a while, hasn't it?"

Spike walked over to her and Vicious and I watched the two of them descend the staircase silently.

"So...is that his...girlfriend?" I asked quietly.

Vicious smirked. "No. Just another one of his infinite ex's."

I merely shrugged it off. It's not like I was interested in him. I barely knew him. I picked up my fork and continued eating my delicious cake.

Sometimes it pays off to be a little selfish, I thought.


	3. So Careless

Lyrics credited to Taking Back Sunday – "_The Ballad of Sal Villanueva"_ and _"...Slowdance on the Inside"_

-

**Chapter 3 :** _Sometimes We Forget How to Feel_

-

_it's not that I don't trust you_

_I just know what you've been up to_

-

I finished off my dessert and stole a glance at Vicious, who was resting his left cheek on his palm and staring thoughtfully out at the streets below. The college was not too far away, only but a few blocks. The blossoms were blown around even here, making the air smell so sweet. So perfect.

I suddenly felt the need to ask him a question. "Vicious..." He looked back at me upon hearing his name. "Why do you look..." I struggled for a word not already cliché. ".. so miserable?" Great. How fitting, I thought sarcastically.

"Do I?" He smiled sadly, thinking it over.

I nodded and took a sip from my glass of water. "Are you thinking about someone?"

"Something of the sort." He replied, a hint of laughter in his voice. "Over the years... I've grown accustomed to love. Coming and going, so easily fleeting. Or maybe I've been around Spike too long..."

I smiled. "Maybe."

We left it at that.

"Are you ready to go?" He asked momentarily. "We shouldn't wait for Spike, he won't be returning."

"Yeah, I'm ready." I checked my watch. "I have to get back to class in about 25 minutes."

"What do you have?" he asked me.

"Gun safety. Or something like that."

We went down the staircase, our footsteps echoing off the walls. "We are also taking that class."

-

Vicious and I walked down the street heading for Adelphi. He stopped on the way at a flower shop. "What are your favorite kind?" He turned to ask me.

I beamed. How kind. "Hm, I like...orchids."

He picked a dozen of the purple flowers and handed the merchant a few woolongs, and we continued on our way.

"That's not very common, you know."

He was talking about the orchids? "I know..." I pressed the flowers to my face and bathed in the smell.

"I suppose I've grown accustomed to hearing the usual 'roses.'"

I stopped suddenly.

"Is something wrong, Miss Valentine?"

"No..nothing..." We resumed our walk.

Except the fact that I've always hated roses.

"Well. Look who we've run into." Vicious suddenly said.

I looked up to see Spike leaning on the side of a building, the thin line of smoke from his cigarette floating into the air. He finally looked up at us and let a slow smile play on his lips.

"So. How did it go?" Vicious asked him.

"What? With Allison?"

Vicious lowered his eyes. "Yes."

He sighed and let his cigarette fall to the floor, crushing it with the heel of his boot. "Like always." Spike turned to me and it seemed as if he'd continue for my sake. For me to hear. "They always tell me they miss me. The way I held them. The way we'd kiss." He paused for his last line. "How they want me back." He laughed then, slow and deep, taking the time to show me he found it all very entertaining.

"Don't you... think about them at all?" I asked softly.

I saw Vicious turn his attention to me. "He doesn't." he answered for him.

I looked at Spike's eyes, several feet away from where I was standing. I tried to find out something about him. But all I could see where the shadows of the clouds overhead passing through.

Spike shifted in his trench coat and spoke. "Why does it matter?"

I shrugged. When I thought about it, I was the same way, though I didn't forget people who loved me. The truth was, I didn't let people get close to me at all. Because I knew, love could be one big mistake. "You're right. It doesn't." I responded.

He didn't answer.

Vicious broke the silence. "We should be going. After all, we're heading for the same class."

Spike perked up. "Really..."

"Faye has gun safety, as well." Vicious informed him.

"Then we should definitely continue on our way." Spike said as we followed him down the street.

-

Gun safety class was so far, not very fun. In fact, it was extremely boring. Spike's snores could be clearly heard by the two instructors we had, but I guess they chose not to hear it.

It was a little funny. Every once and a while I couldn't resist looking back at Spike, who was sitting behind me, his head laid back, his legs spread slightly open, and one arm draped over his eyes. It was really comical.

After my fifth time at doing this, I rested back into my seat and let the lecture drone out. When did we get to hold the damn guns?! I tapped my foot impatiently.

"Faye, can't you be a little more patient?" Electra asked, eyeing my foot movement.

Electra had this class as well. I was surprised she was taking it. She told me "it looked interesting" and "seemed like she could put it to use in the future."

"...No. Can you?" I asked lazily, not bothering to turn my head from its comfortable position on my chair to look at her.

She let out an exasperated sigh. "Yes. Didn't you hear them say we'd get to do all the fun stuff tomorrow? Today they're showing us the anatomy of standard guns." She informed me, looking at the overhead.

"Yeah. Is that so. I know all of that shit already."

"Hah. Is that a fact?" I heard an amused deep voice ask.

Why was Spike awake? I turned around to glare at him. "Damn right it is."

He smirked. "Alright. Because I do, too."

"Well I didn't ask you." I spat back. I turned back to the front contentedly.

Moments later I felt him kick my chair.

Again. And again.

...And again.

I couldn't take it anymore. "Will you FUCKING stop that?"

"Miss...Valentine?" One of the instructors called out.

"But... he was...kicking my chair..." I mumbled. I wasn't going to take the blame for this alone, I thought greedily.

"Mr...Spiegel?" The other instructor called out in addition.

"If you two are going to act like children, please take a step outside. And as a reminder, we don't tolerate foul mouths in Adelphi."

Whatever. The class was boring as hell. I picked up my bag and walked out of the classroom. I heard Spike walk slowly behind me.

-

We stood out in the empty hall.

"So I guess we both got kicked out, huh?"

He wasn't mad? No smartass remark? How unexpected.

"Yeah..."

This was getting uncomfortable.

I let my bag drop and I slowly sank down the wall and sat on the floor, my legs stretched out in front of me. I smoothed out the fabric of my knee-length skirt. I looked back up at Spike when he cleared his throat.

"Do you mind if I rest with you?" He asked me.

Even more unexpected. "Sure, why not?"

And I didn't expect him to slowly lie down and rest his head on my lap. But the worst thing I could do at the moment, I did.

I let him stay there.

-

_well cross my heart and hope to..._

_I'm lying just to keep you here_

_so reckless_

_so thoughtless_

_so careless_

_I could care less..._


	4. Whisk Her Away

Lyrics credited to Taking Back Sunday – "_The Union_"

Background info: Faye's apartment is more of a small housing complex. Have you ever watched Excel Saga? Well, where Excel Excel lives, that's how Faye's home is like.

-

**Chapter 4 :** _You Have to Learn it by Heart_

-

_I always know to avoid the issue_

_got me alone so I could address you_

_home is where you make it, love_

_don't get yourself confused_

_besides what's it to you?_

-

Everyone who passed us by in the hallway probably thought... that we were a couple. For some reason, it didn't feel bad at all. I wanted to pretend, to see how it was like to be in a relationship. I laughed at myself- Faye Valentine, eighteen years old, still pretending and waiting for her prince to come and whisk her away.

"What's so funny?" Spike asked me as he heard my giggling and not to mention my lap was shifting around.

"Uh, nothing..." I answered as my laughing died down.

He looked up at me in skepticism. "Okay, if you say so."

We could hear the lecture continue through the closed doors of the large classroom. The first day would be over in ten minutes.

Spike spoke up. "I've been meaning to ask you earlier... did Vicious give you those flowers?"

I acted as if I had no idea what he was talking about. "Uh...what flowers?"

"Faye. The orchids sticking out of your schoolbag." He pointed to them.

I flushed. "Oh, right...those. Yeah, he did. Why?"

Spike sat up and positioned himself so he was sitting next to me. He rubbed his chin in thought. "So. I have competition."

"Competition? What the hell are you talking about?!" I asked frantically.

He simply smiled. "You know...Vicious normally doesn't take interest in women. Much less give them flowers."

"But he told me he was used to buying roses at the small flower shop we stopped by."

Spike looked up, staring out the skylight on the ceiling of the hallway we were in. "He must be mixed up. The guy with roses would be me."

The bell rang and Spike got up first, lending out a hand to help me up. I remembered Electra's words. _And you'll fall for him, just like every other girl he's wanted._

So I declined his help. "No, I can do it myself."

"Suit yourself." Spike said as I got up on my own, brushing off light cherry skirt.

The classroom door burst open between us and tons of college kids rushed out as if their lives depended on it. I lost Spike in the crowd and turned away to the opposite direction, slowly walking to the exit at the end of the breezeway.

I felt a hand on my shoulder stopping me. I turned around only to be faced by none other than-

"Vicious?" I searched his eyes.

"Faye." He looked at me seriously. "Don't fall in love with Spiegel. I'm only warning you now before you get hurt."

Why was everyone so concerned about this bullshit? I backed away so that his hand on my shoulder dropped down. "Thanks, I'll keep that in mind," I said hastily before turning around and exiting the building. I looked back one last time but there were too many people to make out the ones I knew.

I continued on my way and was far out of the university when I decided to unhurry my pace. It wasn't like I was running away from anybody, I told myself.

I was on a busy street and much was going on. A fortuneteller with a bird pecking on cards was sitting on the sidewalk to my right, and across the street was a Native American sitting on an old rug filled with astronomic patterns. Odd people, I muttered.

I continued walking but stopped as I heard the sound of a fake gunshot. I turned to my side to face numerous televisions behind a glass window. All the screens displayed the words "Big Shot" and I raised my eyebrow as a blonde with too much chest cleavage appeared and a darker skinned guy with a Spanish accent blew off the smoke from the tip of his gun.

Bounty hunting.

I always considered the career. It wasn't like I was going to be a doctor or a lawyer, I just wasn't meant for that kind of thing. It bothered me that I wouldn't have much of a future. I didn't really expect one. Maybe bounty hunting would give me the fast life I've grown attached to...

I brushed the thought away, I'd have time to think about that after I graduated.

I stopped by a plain-looking café and took a seat in an empty table, eyeing the guy next to me who was rapidly devouring his slushee. Three old men sitting in a table across from him kept warning him about eating too fast.

"Slow down boy!"

"Ya old geezer! He ain't even payin' attention to you!"

"His name's Carlos, you old man!"

"Who you callin' old? We're all old you ..!"

The African-American guy with the slushee sipped the last of his drink with such force and then screamed, clutching his forehead as if in excruciating pain.

"We told ya, boy!"

What morons.

I looked out the window to see a young orange-haired girl with goggles on whiz by with some sort of scooter. Seconds later, she was followed by a barking dog. And seconds after that, an African-American woman in a leather suit zoomed by in a sleek black sports car. I watched the guy quickly stand up and rush out the door, yelling something profane.

The whole lot of them were probably bounty hunters. And in addition, insane.

Shortly after, I got up to leave. I didn't have any woolongs to buy anything, which was what I came in there for. How stupid. I had to head home soon, anyway.

I crossed the street and looked up to see the city's innovative clock tower, reading it was already 4:15 PM. I really needed a ride back to my apartment, but checking my coat's pockets, I wasn't surprised that I still didn't have any money.

Faye. You have to get back to work tomorrow and earn some damn woolongs! I reminded myself. Tomorrow was Saturday so I'd have loads of time to have some fun at the casino.

Suddenly I saw a dark red convertible skid to a stop at my side. I wouldn't have paid much attention to it but the man behind the wheel called out, "Do you need a ride?"

I didn't look at him directly, I only stared at the side doors. "No...I'm fine..." I was desperate, but I wouldn't just trust anybody.

"...Did you forget the sound of my voice, Faye?"

I looked at him more closely and my eyes widened in realization. The familiar feeling rushed through me like it did once before. It was my old crush, If you could call it that...

Whitney Hagus Matsumodo.

I hesitated, but I looked up to the sky as it began to darken. _It's just a ride...._

I hurried to the passenger seat on the other side and slammed the door shut. I finally turned to him and added one of my unforgettable flashes of a smile that I knew he'd never fail to remember.

"...Yes. I forgot everything."

He kept a straight face as if he had predicted my answer. "Alright Faye. I'll just drive you home."

We were silent during the ride. I thought subconsciously, _So he still remembers the way._

Soon enough, we stopped in front of my apartment just as the first stars began to appear in the sky. As I stepped out of his car, I let a single nod be my sign of thank you. I paused when I heard his voice.

"I didn't lie about one thing, Faye...I fell in love with you while you were sleeping. I fell in love with Sleeping Beauty."

I smiled a small smile and turned around to walk up the short staircase to the door, walking as slow as I could until the sound of his engine was long gone.

-

Lying down on a bed too big for just one person, I sighed and knew one thing: _That's what happens when you're too late._

And out of all people,

I dreamed about Spike.

_What competition..._ was all I inaudibly mumbled in my sleep.


	5. All in One Breath

Lyrics credited to Taking Back Sunday – "_New American Classic_"

-

**Chapter 5 :** _Signaling the Beginning to an End_

-

_just ask the question, come untie the knot_

_say you won't care, say you won't care_

_retrace the steps as if we forgot_

_try to avoid it but there's not a doubt_

_and there's one thing I can do nothing about_

-

I woke up with rays of light escaping between the long blinds shading my window, lighting my room with lengthy stripes of sunshine. I got up lazily, almost rolling out of bed onto the wooden floor. I yawned and dragged myself into the bathroom, finally waking up with a cold shower.

Back in my bedroom, the digital clock blinked 8:45 AM in red. My shift at the casino would be from 9:30 to 4:00 PM.

A long shift for me, but I needed the money.

-

Dressed in my casino uniform consisting of my white polo vest with a crimson bow, black pants with a crimson belt, and my red suit jacket with gold trimmings, I was Poker Alice at the casino.

I scanned the floor I was in quickly before casually walking to my usual Black Jack table, ready to feel the usual glory of winning.

-

The hours flew by, and I had won every game, expertly swindling every last chip from every gullible man who was lured in with the sight of an attractive dealer.

It was already 3:32, nearing the end of my shift. It would only be one more game.

My table was currently empty so I took the time to stretch out my arms and crack my knuckles. And it was during this time the seat in front of me was occupied.

For some reason, I wasn't surprised it was Spike. Fate had its cruel, taunting ways.

He didn't greet me with any familiarity as I stood before him, so I decided to do the same. We only exchanged curious first glances, but that was all.

I swiftly shuffled the cards and smiled to myself, thinking about how his loss would amuse me.

-

As the game progressed, I was clearly winning. With my amazing luck of course.

I was conscious of the fact that Spike was staring at me. His gaze was completely boring into my figure.

Well. It proved to distract him because he lost all too quickly. I stuck out my palm, waiting for him to hand over his last chip, only to find him pocket it and wink at me. "I'll keep it for...good luck." Then he got up, striding toward the elevator.

He knew that would piss me off.

I fumed as I stalked after him heatedly. A sharp ring signaled my shift was over; it was exactly 4:00. Good timing.

He entered the elevator's open doors and watched me with a smirk as I walked to him. He held the motion-sensitive doors open with his foot until I got in and the doors shut, leaving only us in the elevator.

Before I knew what he was doing, he slammed the stop button with his fist and turned back to look at me.

"What did you take the chip for? I need it!" I said angrily.

"...Do you really want it?" He asked, teasing.

"Yes so.. give it back you moron!"

"I didn't know you worked here." He said calmly, changing the topic.

"I didn't know you gambled." I countered.

"...I don't."

"Then why the hell are you here?!" I asked, irritated.

He laughed. "Why else?"

I had a sinking feeling and I knew where this was leading to. I slowly backed up into the elevator wall and clutched the metal railing. "I need the chip..." I said, altering my gaze to the side.

He stepped closer so we were only inches apart. "Faye? Are you actually...nervous?"

I looked up quickly and met his eyes. "No! Of course not. Why the f—"

"Then that's perfect."

My eyes widened as he got even closer. I pushed him away and took a few steps to press the button for the 1st floor. I waited with my back toward him.

"I'm sorry, Faye...I—" He began.

I felt angry again and was the first to walk out when the doors opened, and out of the casino, hoping that I'd never have to confront him again.

-

I strolled on the sidewalk alone, tightening my jacket around me. It was around five but it was already starting to get cold. With some woolongs actually in my card, I decided to treat myself by going out to eat. Good food always got my mind off of things.

I entered a small bar and sat on a stool closest to the end. There were only a few people here. Two seats down from me was a rather manly blonde woman with a cap who was stroking the fur of a grey cat that kept purring.

I turned back to the barkeep, another blonde, but this one looked more ditzy and had a high pitched voice as she asked me what I'd like. "Hm...I'll take..."

The sound of the metal door opening and closing made me look at who had entered. And again, it was Spiegel. All of a sudden, I didn't feel hungry anymore. Had he followed me here? He took a seat next to me and automatically greeted "VT and Zeros" and the barkeep as Muriel.

So he came here often. I was the one out of place. I got up, preparing to leave, but his voice stopped me.

"Are you mad at me, Faye?"

I looked at him from the corner of my eye. "Obviously."

He spun his stool so that we were face to face. "How can I make it up to you?"

I smiled and thought about it. There wouldn't be any harm if I made him do things for me. As long as he didn't try anything again.

"..Is there a limit?"

He laughed. "No."

I lit up as I started on the list... "Alright, starting from Monday, you'll carry my books for me, treat me out for lunch, drive me home after school, and pay for my dinner whenever we eat out."

He tilted his head. "And that's not asking me to be your boyfriend?"

I rolled my eyes. "Of course not, Spike. That would mean I'd have to like you back."

He sighed, his chest heaving with that one breath. "Fine, I'll be glad to, Miss Valentine."

"That's great. So now buy me my freaking dinner." I said, tapping my fingers on the countertop. "_Now_."

-

The rest of the week flew by. It became almost like a routine.

I'd usually take the public bus to the college or once and a while, Electra would give me a ride. I didn't want to see Spike so early in the morning, but I still had my first class with him.

I got used to him walking beside me as we walked through the halls, lugging my bag and extra textbooks like a badge of honor.

I expected him to take me out to Trista Aria's for lunch every school day at 12.

It was okay for him to drive me to my apartment after school.

I allowed him to walk me to my door, but never any further. And I appreciated the fact that he didn't take advantage of me ever since that day at the casino.

I was so used to all of this, that it made me a little sick. I needed change, excitement, differences, surprise...

And this is what I thought about as I walked through the breezeway. Spike wasn't with me, and I was a little glad I had some time to myself, so that I could think.

I paused and rested with my back on the wall, the greenery displayed openly behind me. I closed my eyes momentarily and took a deep breath.

When I opened my eyes, Vicious was standing right next to me.

"Hello, Faye."

"Vicious? Oh...hi."

"I see you've been forcing Spike to be somewhat of your servant."

I grinned. "Yeah."

We looked at the students who walked past us for a while. I turned back to him. "So, have you been seeing anybody lately?"

"Actually...I have."

"Really?! What's her name? Can I meet her?"

He took a while to answer, unbuttoning his coat to occupy his time. "I...broke up with her."

"Oh...I'm sorry." I would have said more, but I saw Spike appear from around the corner, stare straight at us, and start walking in a beeline for Vicious and I.

"What are you two doing?" He asked suspiciously.

I opened my mouth but Vicious answered for me. "Can we not talk normally without people like you who are wary on everything?"

Spike smirked and took me by the arm. "Come on, Faye, it's time for lunch. I'll take you out to eat." He pulled me away and I looked back at Vicious, who was somewhere else as he stared at the cherry blossom petals floating in the air outside.

Maybe there was more to his story.

-

As the days passed by, I realized I was starting to look forward to seeing Spike. He could make me laugh, smile, and get angry all in one breath. How could anyone do that? It bothered me that he had this kind of effect on my feelings. I started dreading the day when I knew I would do something uncharacteristic or let my guard down.

Sitting on my sofa at home, I remembered earlier today- an hour ago, when I had this conversation with him.

We were sitting on a brick ledge surrounding a small garden in the middle of a city.

"Hey... remember the first day and we were walking back to school after lunch with Vicious? And he told me you don't think about your ex-girlfriends after you left them?"

He looked at me, his expression saying, _You still remember that?_ "Yeah. What about it?"

"Well I wanted to know... don't you sometimes remember things you used to do together, or what you liked about her, or hear her voice telling you something?"

He rested his head on his right shoulder, not answering.

I looked down on my feet before I let the words escape my mouth very slowly, and yet I could not stop them.

"So then, even though we're not really going out, after I'm gone... are you going to forget about me too? I just wanted to know."

He sat up suddenly and bore his eyes into mine, gripping my wrists too tightly. "No. I don't think I could ever forget someone like you."

And with that, he leaned in to kiss me softly on my lips. It was enough to take any doubt I had earlier, any uncertainty or fear, and throw it all away.


	6. Almost Like Déja vu

Lyrics credited to Taking Back Sunday – "_One-Eighty by Summer_"

-

**Chapter 6 :** _Mixed Emotions and Holding Back_

-

_go on just say it_

_you need me like a bad habit_

_one that leaves you defenseless, dependent,_

_and alone._

_are you afraid to say that you want to?_

_tell me you want to_

-

"So tell me Faye, you're really going out with him?" Electra asked, turning to me.

I looked away. "Where did you hear this from..." I said to the ground.

She laughed. "It's so obvious. You're acting differently."

I tried to glare at her but only succeeded in blushing.

"You know, I knew it was bound to happen." She said wistfully.

I rolled my eyes but a sad smile formed on my lips. "Don't worry, I haven't forgotten what you told me that first day. I know you're right. It's just that, I think.. maybe I could change him."

She smiled. "Maybe you can."

-

Yes, I had fallen for him. The morning after our first kiss, we ended up a couple. I don't remember exactly how it happened; and why I was so quick to say yes. I just agreed to his subtle request. He was almost like a little kid wearing his heart on his sleeve.

"Faye... do you think you want to be my girlfriend? I mean, I know you like me now."

I had smiled and barely brushed his cheek with my fingers, delighted to see him close his eyes just to feel my hand there. I made my decision.

"Alright, Spike."

And after that, I got the change I was looking for. He carried all of my belongings like he used to, but he made it clear to everyone that we were together. Today, as we walked through the halls, he casually slipped an arm around my bare shoulders. Bare because of my pale yellow boatneck top that clung to the sides of my arms. I shivered when I felt the heat of his body through the sheer fabric of his dress shirt as he pressed himself closer to me.

"Are you okay?" He stopped to ask me.

"No..."

We continued on, other students glancing at us for simply a second, probably only thinking, "So they're finally together." Or, "I wonder how long this one will last..."

As we left the building and sat on a bench outside on campus, it only occurred to me now that he never answered my question from yesterday. I wouldn't bring it up now. At least for not a while.

"We have tomorrow off, Faye." His voice broke up my thoughts. I turned my head to look at him, the tips of his green hair blowing softly with the wind.

I smirked. "What, are you asking me out on a date?"

His laugh was deep and inviting as he shifted the strap to my shoulder bag to his other shoulder.

"Well in that case, sure, why not?" I said while I took his hand in mine and stood up, pulling him up along with me for our next and last class for the day.

-

It was now Friday and we had today off for some idiotic holiday that we left nameless. Yesterday I had told him to surprise me and he left me at the door to my apartment with a wink and his assurance, "Will do."

And so here was today, with my hair in a tight bun with my bangs hanging down, and my face with little makeup on. My outfit was composed of a black sweater, white tank top and denim capris that ended right below my knee. I slipped on a pair of black high heels and sat outside on the steps waiting for Spike.

Soon enough I heard the roar of his engine and felt the heat from the tires. I glanced up just as he slammed the door to his car shut and he walked to where I was sitting.

I rolled my eyes as he knelt one knee on the step below me and stared into my eyes, his arms snaking around my waist until they rested on the stone I was sitting on. He didn't say anything so I decided to lean in closer, tilting my head so my lips were a breath away from his. It felt good to feel the heat from his mouth so close to mine. His eyes were expecting so of course I pulled back before our lips could meet.

"Hm...maybe later." I could sense his frustration.

I took him by the arm, standing up and jumping down the steps and walking to his sleek black convertible.

"Come on Spike, there's no fun if we waste the whole date on the steps to my apartment."

I saw his smile from the side, his teeth shining in the sun. The engine was still running. He gripped the leather of the steering wheel before pressing his foot on the metal.

-

I had put on my sunglasses and at the speed Spike was going down the highway, my hair was blowing around me like crazy, my hairstyle long ruined. We kept laughing as we sped down the empty road, for no reason at all.

Eventually we stopped and I took the time to take in we were in a quiet and secluded beach. Spike got out of the car first, walking in front of the hood over to the passenger seat and opening my side door. I let him help me out.

"This is it." He said as he stuffed his hands into his pockets, looking out onto the sparkling waves.

I took off my sunglasses and shook my head, the single movement settling my purple hair straight. I looked down at my apparel. "Spike. I'm not really dressed for this."

He looked at me. "Well, you did want a surprise, Faye." Suddenly he lifted me up in his arms as I struggled. "What are you doing?!"

He slipped off my heels and they fell softly onto the sand. He took off his own boots and socks and proceeded to run down to the shoreline.

He dropped me in the sand.

I stood up on my knees and rubbed my ass. "Ow. That hurt, Spike.."

He chuckled and plopped down beside me, folding his hands behind him and resting his head there. "Lie down next to me."

I frowned. "I'm not boring like you." I shrugged off my black sweater and held it in my right hand, holding it a foot from him before suddenly dropping it on his face. As he scrambled to pull it off and yell at me for being annoying, I ran down to the shore. Right now I didn't care about getting wet.

I ran in the water until I was knee deep, the waves gentle and sweeping about me. I turned around to look at Spike. "The water is warm, Spike! Come here!" But nothing was there except for my sweater and Spike's clothes- khaki suit pants and black blazer.

He was already in the water.

I turned around but it was too late; he tackled me from behind and we both fell underneath the water, the sand scattering at our pressure and murking the clearness of it.

I felt for his tangle of hair and found it in my left palm. I pushed his head down sharply, using the force to push myself out of the water. I gasped for air and recovered, trudging to the shore and collapsing in the sand on my stomach, my limbs sprawled outward.

Eventually I turned over on my back, staring at the sky that was too blue. The view suddenly changed to Spike's brown eyes. And he was still panting, out of breath.

"That was...tiring." I panted myself.

He smirked. "Hah, is Faye already worn out?" He teased. "But you can't be tired, yet." He leaned into me, his lips so close but not yet touching mine, like myself this morning.

"Why not?" I asked, acting uninterested.

"Because our first date isn't over." His words were merely hot breaths on my lips. I could feel his body over mine, both his hands supporting his weight.

"Not today, Spike." I laughed and pushed him off me, getting up and noticing the setting sun. "I have to get home. Thanks for the _surprising_ date." I said sarcastically. He was already buttoning up his shirt. I put on my own sweater, put my sunglasses back on, slipped on my shoes and took my seat in his car.

And we were quiet the rest of the way home.

-

In front of my apartment, I got out of his car but leaned in on the door with my elbows. He looked at me directly and our eyes were shining even in the dark.

"We should go on more ...dates." He said eventually.

"Yeah. We should." I agreed. "Today was fun. Surprise me again tomorrow?"

He revved his engine. "Meet you at nine in the morning." And then he was gone, driving off into the night.

I couldn't tell him, but, thus far it was the best day of my entire life. And I hated him for it.


	7. Never is a Promise

Background info: Rachel Kazuki is a real character used in the manga. She's a reporter. Same for Linda Wise, who really was Faye's first friend. Lyrics credited to Fiona Apple – _Never is a Promise_

-

**Chapter 7 :** _Things She'll Remember_

-

On Saturday he picked me up at nine and actually brought me to his house to meet his "parents" or more of guardians, Mao and Annie. He seemed very attached the both of them.

I felt lost as I shook their hands. I never had anyone to take care of me. I was always forced to be independent. In the end, I only had my sister whom I was never really close with.

A year ago I also met Linda Wise, an expert card dealer who taught me everything she knew...about the cards, the gambling, and the rules of life.

_We were sitting in a table for two outside a small café, relaxing underneath a sunshade that cooled us from the heat. I shook my drink lightly and the ice clinked loudly against the glass._

"_Faye."_

_I took a sip and set it down on the table. "What?"_

"_I've shown you everything I know on gambling."_

"_I know."_

"..._but there are three things I want you to remember."_

_I looked at her, paying more attention. She looked out onto the water, the brim of her wide hat turning to cast more shadows on the table._

"_One: Win and move on."_

"_Win and move on." I repeated._

"_Two: Keep your money hidden."_

"_Keep your money hidden."_

"_Three: Don't get involved with a man."_

"_Don't get involved with a man..." I trailed off._

"_Always remember those rules, Faye."_

"_Alright.." _

I'm sorry, Linda. I broke the last one.

"What's wrong?" Spike asked me.

"Nothing. Really."

He looked at me, unsure. "I'll drive you home now."

-

I yawned in my communications class, glancing at the clock at the side of the room. Only five minutes left. Why was time always so slow? I just want to go eat. Is that so much to ask? My stomach grumbled in agreement.

"Yes, Miss Kazuki?" My instructor called out as she lowered her glasses to the tip of her nose.

I looked across from me at that annoying brunette with the short haircut and always positive attitude. Why was she raising her hand?

"Sensei, when will we be able to start working on that journalism project?? The year's almost over!!"

Oh great. What a freak.

"Well, Miss Kazuki..."

Just then, the bell rang and I let out a sigh of relief. I got out of my seat and was the first one to the door. I was about to reach out, but it slid open before I could blink.

"Hey there, shrew." He said seductively as he leaned against the wall.

I cocked an eyebrow. "What are you doing here? You were supposed to meet me outside."

He shrugged. "I couldn't wait that long." Before I could ask him if he thought I was fat, he took my right hand in his and began to walk down the hall for the exit.

-

We were outside when Spike decided to stop beside the water fountain. He looked like he was going to say something important but just then, we heard a familiar voice. Andy's.

"Miss Valentine..." He said, smiling. "Spiegel..." He added scornfully. "It's nice to see you both here." Andy walked up to us and winked at me. Spike looked at him and growled but did nothing.

Andy suddenly grabbed my right hand and bent down to kiss it.

"Uh.. thanks.." I mumbled, confused.

Spike proceeded to lunge at Andy, shoving him but then grabbing him by the collar and forcing him up the brick wall.

"Get your fucking mouth off _any_ part of Faye. I guess you don't know, being the fucking brainless asshole you are, she's my girlfriend. Now get the fuck out of my sight, you bastard."

After his little "fucking speech" he let go of Andy and started walking to the exit without me. I took a moment to tell Andy he was a nice guy but I wasn't interested, and then I ran to catch up with Spike.

I grasped his shoulder to stop him, since he didn't look like he'd be doing so anytime soon.

"What's wrong with you? You're walking too fast!" I panted.

He stopped abruptly and I almost crashed into him. Then he turned around and glared at me. "I'm mad at you, too. I can't believe you let him do that. I'm your boyfriend, not anyone else."

He looked extremely mad. I rolled my eyes at his immaturity. Mr. Spiegel was quite possessive. It was cute.

I stepped up until there was no space between us and I tip-toed so I could whisper slowly into his ear, "Hmm... maybe you should remind me since I forget so easily." I stepped back down in time to see him smirk.

"You don't have any more classes today right?"

I nodded silently.

"Come on, you're going to spend the rest of the day with me."

I smiled and we got into his car, taking me somewhere I knew I'd never forget.

-

He brought me to a large, sophisticated bar. He said it was the first time he brought anyone here...

We got there at about one, and spent most of the time talking about meaningless things and drinking. I wasn't too drunk and neither was he, but we had enough for our words to slur and our eyes to glaze slightly.

Before I knew it, the sun had already set as the windows darkened and the music being performed switched to a soft, low tune.

"..Isn't it pretty?" I asked him.

"What?" He loosened his tie.

"The music..."

We were both quiet to hear the rest of it.

_You'll never see the courage I know_

_Its colors' richness won't appear within your view _

_I'll never glow the way that you glow _

_Your presence dominates the judgments made on you _

_But as the scenery grows, I see in different lights_

_The shades and shadows undulate in my perception _

_My feelings swell and stretch, I see from greater heights _

_I understand what I am still too proud to mention to you _

_You'll say you understand, but you don't understand _

You'll say you'd never give up seeing eye to eye

_But never is a promise, and you can't afford to lie _

I heard his wooden chair scrape on the floor and I watched him as he lazily stood up. He pulled me up by both my arms until we reached the dance floor. He let me rest on him, our arms an entangled mess and we didn't care. I burrowed into the wrinkles of his shirt and breathed in deeply.

I'd want to remember how he'd smell like.

_You'll never touch these things that I hold_

_The skin of my emotions lies beneath my own _

_You'll never feel the heat of this soul _

_My fever burns me deeper than I've ever shown to you _

_You'll say, 'Don't fear your dreams, its easier than it seems _

You'll say you'd never let me fall from hopes so high

_But never is a promise and you can't afford to lie _

_You'll never live the life that I live_

_I'll never live the life that wakes me in the night _

_You'll never hear the message I give_

_You'll say it looks as though I might give up this fight _

_But as the scenery grows, I see in different lights _

The shades and shadows undulate in my perception

_My feelings swell and stretch, I see from greater heights _

_I realize what I am now too smart to mention to you_

_You'll say you understand, you'll never understand_

_I'll say I'll never wake up knowing how or why _

_I don't know what to believe in, you don't know who I am _

_You'll say I need appeasing when I start to cry _

_But never is a promise and I'll never need a lie _

After the song ended we lingered there until I eventually broke free of him and we found ourselves seated back at our table.

"Did you like that song?" I asked him.

"...Yeah. But seemed sort of cynical to me."

I laughed. "Everything's cynical to you."

He downed his martini. "I know." He paused to look at me for a while. "You like it a lot, don't you?"

I ran a hand through my hair and struggled when I met the knots that were accumulating. "It's nice..."

"Well since you like it so much, it'll be our song."

I laughed again and I raised my glass for a toast, repeating his words. "To our song..."

Yes, I was right. I'd remember this night for a long time.


	8. A Woman's Intuition

Lyrics credited to Taking Back Sunday – _Set Phasers to Stun_

-

**Chapter 8 :** _Weeks Since Then_

-

_well there's a secret I've been perfecting_

_I swore I wouldn't but you let me_

_I'm comfortably confused_

_and you, you've gotten so removed_

-

We strolled along the seemingly endless path that winded through Adelphi's vast botanical garden. My steps were light but his scuffed loudly against the pavement.

I paused to look behind us at the buildings that were getting smaller and smaller. He waited for me.

We then continued on through the path of sakura trees, the light escaping through and sending rays of sunshine to line the trail.

Every so often I'd quickly glance at Spike but then look back down at my feet. Eventually he got a little frustrated at my actions.

"What do you want to tell me?" He asked, his tone deep and casual, as usual.

"...so how long have we been together now? I asked idly. Honestly, I had a lot more on my mind.

He kicked a stone out of the path and I watched it roll in the grass. "Dunno." He was still, probably thinking about it himself.

I stopped to sit on a bench. Following my example, he sat down next to me, the worn bench creaking when he seated.

My words were long forgotten and was replaced with a long silence.

"I've introduced you to my family, right?"

"Yeah." I answered.

"What about yours?"

I looked at him. "I don't really have one."

"Really..."

"I do have an older sister though." I expected him to ask about her but he didn't. I still felt like continuing anyway.

"We don't talk...if we do...rarely. I tell everyone we have nothing in common, but deep down, I envy her. Only a little." I sighed and tapped my fingers across the planks of the bench where there was space between us, the sound distracting me for a time.

"She's so perfect. So unfeeling. So detached. How can anyone be that way? ..I wish I was." I turned to him but he was staring out at the greenery in front of us.

_She's so much like Spike._

There was the sound of his hands shuffling inside his pockets, retrieving a single cigarette. Using his other hand, he flicked the lighter and a flame emerged. Satisfied, he let out a breath of smoke.

A lot of time seemed to pass.

"You're different from them, Faye." He pronounced every word slowly, like he thought the words through before he said them.

He paused to shift in his seat and tilted his head back to stare at the sky. "Do you remember what I said the first day?"

I flushed slightly. "Of course." I didn't know what else to say. I stared at the smoke rising to the sky in a single line.

"You want a cigarette?" He turned to ask me, grinning.

I smiled. "This'll be my first one."

--

Months had passed. It had been weeks since then. Since September, our first meeting. Since October, the beach. Since December, the bar. Since May.

I stared out the window to my apartment, looking down at the street below. I had told him to pick me up at seven. But of course I went outside to wait for him hours before.

The minutes passed by. Then the hours. The clock seemed too fast.

I stopped bothering to look at my wristwatch, the one he gave me for Valentine's. I briefly remembered what I had given.

_I looked at him expectantly as he greedily ripped open the long box I had wrapped up the night before. He pulled out the tie and examined it._

_"You don't like mine?" He asked frowning, looking down at the one he always wore._

_"I do, but this one brings_ _out the color of your eyes. Wear it for me?" I asked innocently, my eyes pleading._

_He rolled his own and pulled off his boring black one. I helped him adjust it around his neck._

"_How does it look?" He asked after I was finished._

_I paused to think of a word, comparing the color of his eyes to the new cloth hanging down his shirt. "Perfect."_

_His smile struck a chord deep within my heart and I was blushing as he kissed me softly._

_"Thank you, Faye."_

He's been wearing the tie since.

I shook my head and went inside. I'd just wait for him there...

I dozed off in my chair, positioned in front of the window.

(in the morning)

When I woke up, sunlight poured through the glass I was staring out hours before. I suddenly remembered what I was doing on my chair and why I felt I mixture of irritation and anxiety.

I got up and walked to my front door which creaked as I slowly pulled it open. I stepped outside, rubbing my eyes and as my vision cleared, I examined the steps as if I'd find some sign of him.

Nothing...

I'd talk to him at school.

--

Call it a woman's intuition, but I started to feel anxiety gnawing at me when he didn't show up at where we usually met before school, a smaller corner by the water fountain.

Disappointed at his absence, I entered the 3rd building and wandered, weaving through other students in the hall.

It was easy to imagine him just slipping away from me one day. One day he would tell me he didn't love me anymore. Electra told me I was just being paranoid.

"Coming from the girl who warned me first, I don't think I can believe that." I told her and laughed nervously.

"Yo."

I looked up and there was Spike, sitting by the window. I took a seat next to him. I fidgeted uncomfortably but he was laid-back and relaxed.

"Faye, uh, about last night..." He looked away, trailing off.

"No, don't worry about it..." I looked the opposite direction.

Still turned away, he asked in a low tone, "Did you wait for me?"

I smiled sadly to myself. _Of course I did_.

"No. Not too long at least."

He turned to me. "That's good."

I pursed my lips. There was something different his eyes.

"Faye? Is...something bothering you?"

I laughed. "No!" As an afterthought I added, "Can I ask you a question?"

"You just did."

I slitted my eyes. "No, I mean another one."

"Faye. Just ask me."

"Actually...just forget it." Embarrassed, I leaned up to kiss him quickly on the cheek and deciding not to, I stood up awkwardly.

"I have to go." I looked back one last time, and he was still there staring at me, a frown still etched on his face.

He wasn't wearing the tie I gave him. Then again, it was insignificant. It really meant nothing.

Right?

I couldn't bring myself to ask him something so stupid, something so pointless. Something I knew the answer to.

Spike...

_Are you getting tired of me?_

--

"Faye. Faye. FAYE!"

"What the hell are you screaming at me for?" I asked as I clutched at my ringing ears.

"I never knew you were a daydreamer." Electra said, completely ignoring me trying to get my hearing back to normal.

"I was not daydreaming." I announced flatly.

"And now you're in self denial." She said, equally as flat.

"What are you trying to get at?" I raised an eyebrow at her.

She looked at me, studying my face. Then she came to a conclusion. "Man problems."

I burst out laughing. "Isn't that the only case?"

"No, not really." She burst out with a flurry of words. "There was that day you came to me because of some guy trying to kill you because you stole his ship—"

I covered her mouth with my palm and smiled uneasily at everyone who turned to look at us.

"What are you talking about, dear, _dear_ Electra? I think _you_ seem to have the problems today." I fake-coughed and ushered her out into the empty hallway.

"I need to talk to you." I blurted out.

"...in private." She added. "I have something to say as well."

(later)

"Why are we in the men's bathroom? That's probably the worst place to be." I commented as I stared at the gender sign outside.

"It was either this or the janitor's closet."

I grimaced.

"Don't worry, Faye...anyway, the women's bathroom was full. And men are less on gossip than girls. _And_ less men use public bathrooms." She rushed to assure me as she pushed me through the swinging door. Good, it was empty.

I stared wide-eyed at the things on all the walls.

"Faye, they're not things. They're called urinals." Electra informed me, examining her hair in the mirror.

"Ew, don't look at that one. It's disgusting!" I pointed to one and turned away, crashing into the wall and panting loudly.

"Calm down Faye. Oh, look, there's one stall. Let's go into that one." I looked at the single booth and followed her inside. We locked it.

"Alright, you go first."

I closed my eyes. "I, uh, don't think... Spike... loves me anymore." I covered my face with my hands like a lovesick teenager.

"You're a lovesick teenager." She said patting my head. "And what did I tell you last time?"

"That I'm being paranoid." I rolled my eyes. "Right."

We sat in silence.

"Do you really love him?" She asked quietly.

"Of course..."

"How much?"

I paused. "With all my heart..." I laughed then.

Electra looked at me questioningly but then continued. "You have to trust him, Faye."

I felt like telling her that love wasn't as easy as she was making it out to be…but I decided to just shut up. "Come on, let's go outside."

We exited the stall and were about to push the door open, but then Spike came in. He looked at the me and Electra. And then back to me and then Electra.

"You know, I won't even ask." He smirked and walked inside and we walked out.

I let out a breath I'd been holding. "I told you that was the worst place to be." I looked back at her. "It's not funny, damnit." She continued to laugh.

After a moment I remembered something. "What were you going to tell me?"

"Hmm..." we walked side by side through the breezeway. "I heard this while I passed by the faculty room earlier. A girl named Julia Valentine is coming to Adelphi for the rest of June, as a fourth year. And I thought it was interesting that you both share the same last name..."

My mouth dropped down.

"What? What's wrong?"

"... I think perhaps, it's because I'm her sister." We simultaneously looked in front of us. And there she was- the perfect blonde-haired, blue-eyed beauty.

"What are you doing here?" Now all three of us turned around to face Vicious. "...Julia?"

"What? How does he know her? And why does she know you?" Electra asked everyone point-blank.

I looked at her head-on, my eyes a little apologetic. "Maybe you shouldn't get into this one, Electra."


	9. Love Me Tomorrow

Lyrics credited to Taking Back Sunday – "_Cute Without the E (Cut from the Team)"_ and The Shirelles -_ "Will You Still Love Me Tomorrow?"_

-

**Chapter 9 :** _When Sorry Isn't Enough_

-

_Hoping for the best, just hoping nothing happens _

_A thousand clever lines unread on clever napkins _

_I won't ever ask, if you don't ever tell me _

_I know you well enough to know you'll never love me_

-

Electra shrugged. "Alright then." I was surprised at her eagerness to walk off, but I turned back to face Julia and Vicious. "So…"

Immediately they turned away from each other, arms crossed and eyebrows furrowed. I had to smile. Maybe they really didn't hate each other as much as they thought they did.

Vicious was the first to speak. "Julia." He was able to mask any emotion- whether or not he hated her now or if he wanted her badly. At that point I did not know anything about their relationship, or how they had even gotten to know each other. ..I could only assume

"Vicious." She responded hesitantly. I was surprised that her voice cracked a little, and for a second I felt bad for her. But for a second.

He let out a breath, ruffling his coat, and looked at his watch. He sounded worn out and I wondered what really went wrong between them. "You know I'm not one to be late." He said to no one in particular. And with that, he spun around and disappeared down the dim hallway.

Julia had watched him leave, her eyes never leaving his back until it faded away.Then she turned back to me. "Oh, Faye." Exasperation, remorse.

I really didn't know what to say to her. I still and probably never will, know her very well. But I do know she is too much like me- secretive and careless; nothing quite matters anymore. So we stood there, side by side, by the window that lighted her golden curls even though it was raining.

And I had let my guard down; I had forgotten. But I know now that it was inevitable and nothing could have been done to stop it. I was stupid to even think of it.

The sound of the bathroom door being pulled open, and then his footsteps. "…Faye," he said, surprised to see me there. I would have guessed at his second line, which would have been "You were waiting for me?" To which I would have now smiled sadly. But he did not get to ask this, because I saw his eyes lock with hers. My heart clenched up immediately because I saw recognition cloud in his eyes. Does he know Julia? How could he?

"You were the girl by the flower stand, right?" He asked her. I wondered if he had forgotten about me, standing right there beside him. I hated that charm in his tone.

_Only for you, Faye._

Julia glanced at me and back at Spike, her features unsure. "Oh…yes." Then recollection."Are you the one who bought me those flowers yesterday evening?"

Spike smiled, shrugging his shoulders. "That's me."

Julia laughed and I knew then that she knew he was Spike, the one I had fallen for accidentally. Unintentionally. I was now lost in the dialogue that followed, and I blocked all of it out because I couldn't take it. I couldn't take any more.

I sensed the future in the way his lips moved when he talked to her, though I didn't hear a word. I saw it in the way his eyes flashed and how he briefly touched her hair, acting as if it was only by chance. I already knew…

I coughed, a little too loud, and they both stopped their flirty laughing. Spike looked at me, and I knew he was probably going to apologize. For what? Perhaps…for everything. I refused to hear any pity from him, but I already saw it in Julia's eyes.

_No._

I smiled at the both of them, hoping it didn't look as fake as I meant it to be. "Well, uh.." My voice was foreign. I was thinking of what to say next. "I'll see you later, Spike.."

Spike nodded and Julia tucked her hair behind her ear. "I have to follow her as well; we have the same schedule." I was already walking away and she walked up beside me.

"What's your name?" He called out, unembarrassed.

She paused. "…Julia."

And before he could answer, we were out of the door and well down the path to the fifth building. I looked back once and was relieved that he wasn't following.

--

"So what, are you going to steal him away from me now? For your information, I really don't care." I told her, angry and ashamed. The rain beat down around us; we were standing outside, beneath the roof of the red building.

"You know very well I never start anything." She answered as-a-matter-of-factly. Emphasis on the never.

"..Whatever. You're probably lonely without Vicious, aren't you?" I smirked, trying finding a weakness in her.

"Of course not."

I sighed, delivering my final words to her for the day. My tone was low, almost emotionless, but she could probably detect the masked vulnerability. "I really thought, just this time, maybe I…"

How could I tell her what I couldn't even understand? I couldn't. Instead I walked out into the rain, my form instantly soaked. It was suddenly hard to hear in the down pour, and then I realized she was speaking. I had to strain to her her voice, so far off. Maybe I was the one who was far away.

"You'll find out that love is a flaw. I know it so well, Faye Valentine." She disappeared inside the building.

I raised my face to the rain and closed my eyes. Her advice seemed to fall at me from the sky, echoing and echoing. _I know it so well._

Maybe you're right, Julia.

But if love is a flaw, then damn. I must be full of mistakes.

--

"Faye, what the _hell_ are you doing here." I looked up to find Electra pointing a scolding finger at me. "Do you mean to say you're been in the rain this whole time?"

"I guess so." I replied.

"That also explains why you look like crap," she added.

"Thank you." I replied again.

She rolled her eyes but then softened. "I'm sorry Faye."

"There's really nothing for you to apologize for."

"I guess you're right." She smiled. "So then why did I come here again?"

I laughed, standing up. "I have no idea." I followed the trail of sakura trees and she followed. We walked together, out of the campus and into the streets, to forget about what happened that day.

--

I opened my mailbox on Saturday evening. I had forgotten to check it earlier and no one was out now. The streetlights were my odd accompaniment, my solace.

The only thing inside the black metal container was a small napkin. Cocking an eyebrow, I pulled it out and unfolded it. A note. A really, really cheap note and messy script.

_I'm sorry about yesterday, Faye._

-Spike

I widened my eyes when I read his name and sat down by the curb. I sighed loudly to the dark pavement.

"Feeling lonely?"

I was really starting to get pissed that he had the ability to pop out of nowhere and scare me like that, catching me unaware and defenseless.

After I had stopped getting a heart attack, I panted a little and held up the note. "Why..?" I could've asked something more meaningful.

He looked at the note as if he had forgotten and then remembered. "Faye..." There was the same weariness in his voice, the same as Vicious did. It was like he was tired of saying my name. He raised his hand to brush my cheek but dropped it to his side, regretful.

His eyes were lost and far away. I felt like I should take a step closer and hug him tightly, as if it would be my last chance. I remembered the night he took me to the bar and the way his shirt smelled when he was drinking alcohol and smoking, dancing and falling in love with me.

But I couldn't. My arms were too heavy; he was still somewhere else. I was afraid to take him back,to ask himto stay with me. Things were somehow different now, but still I kept thinking they weren't.

_Spike, you're still in love with me..._

_Right?_

I remembered a line from one of the songs he used to sing to me from the street. He would call out to my window in the dead of night and somehow I was still awake, waiting, just for him. I always knew he would come.

"Faye!" I'd laugh at him from my bedroom window. Knowing that I was paying attention, he cupped his hands around his mouth and began to sing, half shouting, half romantic.

_"Tonight with words unspoken_

_You say that I'm the only one _

_But will my heart be broken _

_When the night meets the morning sun? _

I'd like to know that your love

_Is love I can be sure of _

_So tell me now, and I won't ask again _

_Will you still love me tomorrow?"_

I hummed the tune and he snapped out of his reverie. He was looking at me, exhausted.

I already knew what he couldn't say, and I hated it.


	10. Falling into Place

Lyrics credited to Mae - _Soundtrack for Our Movie._ Definitely listen to this song to get the right mood for the chapter :)

-

**Chapter 10 :** _Only the Right Thing to Do_

-

_I started to ache..._

_when I started to think of you_

_wondering how long it would take..._

_before I step into something new_

-

"My dear Faye, long time no see!"

Recognizing the voice but deciding not to run like hell, I turned around casually to face him. The crowd of students in the area parted in two to-

"Make room for the almighty king!" Looks like his ego hasn't deflated, I thought, not surprised.

Muttering, flicking him off, or throwing some sort of object at him, the college students still made way. He finally reached me, displaying his new outfit. I looked up and down: What the...?

"Likin' what you see, gorgeous?"

I couldn't help but laugh. "What the heck are you wearing, Andy?"

"In the time we have not seen each other," he paused to count on his fingers and then resumed, "which has been nine months, I had departed unannounced from Adelphi to train as a samurai. Quite impressive, eh? And after my training, I have decided come back in all my glory." A crowd behind clapped sarcastically, but he took it as a compliment and turned to them for a moment, clapped his hands, and bowed.

"So you're a samurai?" I asked, pursing my lips to avoid bursting out laughing.

Andy turned back to me. "Samurai, yes. But you may refer to me as," he paused to tighten his robe, "Musashi."

--

"Are you being friendly with him now?" Vicious asked me, after Andy got distracted brandishing his sword. People backed away from us in a circle.

I rolled my eyes. "Where'd you come from?"

But now Vicious was staring at Andy and the weapon, his eyes reflecting the glint of the metal. After a while he frowned and spoke lowly to him, "That sword is not of the samurai, you fool."

Andy stopped his brandishing in mid-air. "What? Not of the samurai?" He lowered his weapon. "I paid a lot for this shit, so don't give me that shit!" He pointed the sharp end at Vicious menacingly.

Vicious merely laughed, touching the tip with his finger and in another swift motion, got the sword into his hands. "It's a katana."

"HEY!!!" Andy protested angrily. "That's mine, you bastard friend of Spike."

I laughed.

Vicious ignored him and stuck his palm in his right pocket. It emerged with a stack of money. "Here. In return, allow me to keep the sword."

Andy glanced at the money. "Well, that is a lot more than what I paid for it." He removed the sheath from its sling around his shoulders and handed it to Vicious. He quickly snatched it from Andy's grasp and threw the money at Andy's chest.

Then he turned to me. "We have better get going.."

I nodded as he slid the sword into its sheath with a metallic clank.

"Don't actually kill anybody with it..." Andy advised him as we were walking away. "It's registered to my name."

Vicious laughed.

--

"What use do you have with a katana?" I asked nervously as we walked down the secluded path.

"Nothing you need to know right now." He stopped to stare at the sun, for it was noon and was at its highest point in the sky. Vicious kept his lips in a straight line, and then spoke to me quietly. "The year is coming to a close, Faye." He paused. "Spike and I will be gone in a few sunsets."

I was surprised when he mentioned it because I had almost forgotten. They were both going to graduate, and I would be left here for two more years. They would be gone.

"What are you going to be doing?" I asked him.

The corners of his lips turned up very slightly. "I may not discuss that with you at the moment. It would be better if you didn't know."

I was really starting to feel worried, when I saw the look in his eyes and the way the exposed metal of the sword shone brightly in the light. I really didn't know anything about Vicious, about Spike, ...about Julia. My footsteps shuffled against the pavement. "Oh well, what I don't know can't hurt me."

He nodded in silent agreement. "And what about you? Have you any future careers in mind?"

At first I was going to tell him I would only continue the only job I have always known- as a gambler. But then I remembered.

"I...I want to be a bounty huntress."

Vicious smiled ."A cowgirl. Oddly enough, Spike used to talk about bounty hunting often. You two have quite a lot in common..."

We turned the corner and spotted Electra. She was resting her shoulder on the brick wall and tapping her foot.

"Waiting for me?" I called out, amused.

She turned to look at me. "Finally. I have some bad news."

I quickly looked next to me for Vicious but again, he mysteriously disappeared. _What the hell is going on?_

Nevertheless I followed Electra and sat down on the sidewalk. No one used this path anymore and it was deserted.

"You seem to be the bearer of bad news." I commented in our silence. She raised her head and I continued, "Well...it is better to know before it's too late, right?"

"Or better to know what everyone else is trying to hide from you." She added.

I swallowed and it took a while before I found my voice. "What is everyone hiding?"

She stretched out her legs in front of her, sighing. "You're a strong girl, Faye." She blinked, eyeing me once, and then stared back at the floor. "I found out by accident."

My eyes widened. "Found what?" She continued before I had time to think.

"That it was all just a bet. Spike...I mean...Vicious. He and Spike..." Electra was trailing off far too much and I didn't want to know why. And still I waited for her to finish.

"They made a bet, on who you'd fall in love with first. And it turns out you fell for Spike..."

I was deathly silent.

"Faye..."

"No. I'm fine." I said finally.

She nodded and continued. "Although the rules were changed, when Julia came into the picture. But I heard them talking. I heard them talking the other day. _It will have to end soon_. ...And that's it."

I smirked. "So...so I was just a bet? Just a temporary replacement for them?!" My eyes were watering up.

"Oh Faye."

I fell into her arms and tried my best not to cry.

--

Electra stood to go to her next class, though reluctantly. "You'll be alright, Faye." I just nodded, not entirely agreeing with her. Then she was gone and I was left all alone.

I had nothing to do but I stayed on campus, wandering through the gardens and finally choosing to settle by the artificial lake. I sat there on the bench, crossing and uncrossing my fingers. I felt restless and out of place.

_What's the right thing to do, Faye? _I asked myself over and over again.

I closed my eyes and remembered the way he kissed me, the first time. Oh Spike...

I stood up suddenly, wanting to prove Electra was wrong. I wanted so badly for her to be.

I ran out to find Spike.

--

The last class dismissed and I waited outside of the building he was to exit, looking for his green hair. I found him, caught up with him, tugged at his sleeve. "Spike."

He turned around. "Faye? What is it?"

I said nothing for the longest time, just staring up at him with bright eyes and an opened heart. People passed by us in a blur and I wanted to see what he would do.

His features were cross. "What is it?" He repeated.

Just a few days ago, I knew he would have waited for as long as I needed him. But now things were different. He had different places to go now, different people to see. Different people to fall in love with.

My heart felt heavier and I wanted to pull at his clothes, tell him to take me home and love me if that was what he wanted all this time.

_Am I a bet?_ I wanted to scream at him. _Am I really nothing to you?_

At that point, I would've done anything for him. But then I remembered,

_He has somewhere to go._

It was then I realized he had roses in his hand. When did he buy them? He knew I hate roses.

And then it dawned on me, it was all falling into place. I knew the truth now, I knew it in his eyes and in the thorns on his hand.

"I....I...."

I let go of my hold on his arm and he turned away. He looked back at me once, unsure, not waiting for me to finish. But he really might have known what I was going to say and didn't want to waste his time to hear it.

I watched him follow the distinct path. The path to Julia.

"I...loved you." I finished to no one.

--

The truth hurt badly and I hated it. But I couldn't help but wonder, why was he still with me? Our "affection" was practically dead by now and I wanted to hear him say it. I wanted to hear him say, _I hate you Faye. I hate you. This is over._

The unsaid words were somehow still worse.

I felt better at having this goal, although it was contradicting. To what? I was empty now..

1:15...I went home early and called his cell phone. He didn't pick up and I had to leave a voice mail.

"Do you think I could come over tomorrow? Tell me as soon as you can.."

I hung up and stared out the window.

-

_There's so much I can fake..._

_There's only so much that I can prove_

_Well, I'll do it in a minute_

_I could go play the fool for you_


	11. Sink Slowly, Dying

I love my reviewers.

I apologize for not turning Electra into a backstabber, hah. btw, check out my other fic. I'm actually thinking of not ending at 13, it may end up being longer. We'll see how it goes.

Here's is the promised recap of events and in what order they happened in this fic.

You assume Faye Valentine has been taught gambling by Linda Wise at 16. She starts working at the casino at 17. Eventually she leaves the Valentine estate when she's 18 to reside in her own apartment. She also applies for Adelphi University that year and is accepted. She attends in September and meets Spike, Electra, Vicious and Andy on her first day at the college. In the same month she starts dating Spike and throughout the year they go on quite a few dates. During this time, Andy leaves to train as a samurai and Vicious breaks up with Julia for an unnamed reason. May comes and Faye starts to worry about her relationship, and now in June they really are falling apart. In "a few sunsets" the seniors will graduate, leaving Faye the freshman behind. And what will happen then?

Lyrics thanks to Taking Back Sunday - _A Decade Under the Influence_

_-_

**Chapter 11 :** _The Difference Between Right and Wrong_

_-_

_I'm coming over but it never was enough _

_I thought it through and my worst brings out the best in you_

_Well I got a bad feeling about this_

_-_

Sunlight used to be so beautiful. Now it's simply a grim reminder of the way things have to be.

I was awake before I opened my eyes, lulling in my half-consciousness. I felt light-headed and heavy at the same time, floating through air and diving in deep water. I wanted to stay like this, unfeeling, but I heard the sound of my ancient fax machine starting up.

_Beep._

"Faye. Faye... Are you there?" _Pause_. "I guess not." _A sigh. "_I got your message and I'm free today. I'll see you later then."

_Beep._

_End of message._

The sun had lifted up when the rays of light shifted behind the blinds. The machine died down and I laid there on my bed, playing the sound of his voice over in my head once more.

When I did finally get up, I took a shower and dressed in light-coloured silk pants. I didn't trust myself in a dress, in a skirt. My tank was plain and unrevealing. Sitting in front of the mirror, I combed my hair out and wrapped it in a bun. Then I went to my kitchen and made myself some coffee.

I tapped the countertop until I could waste no more time and put on a light sweater and headed outside. There was a slight wind that blew wisps of my hair around and I stepped down to the sidewalk.

I stayed there, standing, staring at the automobiles that whizzed by and pulled out my cell phone from my pocket. I dialed Electra's number. She picked up immediately.

"Hey, uh...do you think you could lend me your car?"

--

Electra's car was dark blue and sleek, and I thanked her for it. "How are you going to get home?" I asked her.

She shrugged. "Somehow."

I smiled. "Thanks again." I got into the driver's seat and slipped on my sunglasses. "Sayonara."

She walked out onto the street, calling out as an afterthought, "Don't get into a crash, Faye!" I knew she meant it in more ways than one.

--

I still remembered the way since that day he introduced me to Mao and Annie. I don't know how I did but I felt like I'd always remember. I spotted the huge estate when I rounded the corner, typical grandeur full of green grass and a large Victorian mansion. The gates opened to allow me in, but I parked outside of his private property. I walked the rest of the way.

I stared at the floor as I walked up the steps, lifted my hand to knock the heavy wood. But Spike was there to open it before my knuckles landed on the door.

"...Hey." He leaned against the doorframe, flirting, but I knew things were different. It was far too late to change anything now, and yet...

I hated the way that I was supposed to be angry, but how could I hate him? _Honestly, the bastard. _My heart sank when I realized that even after everything was said and done, he'd emerge as the victor and I'd be left in the rubble.

I looked past him then, slipped past him, entering the hallway. I heard the door click closed behind me and my eyes followed up a large staircase. I wondered how many women he got up there.

I heard his boots shuffle behind me and turned to watch him walk into his spacious livingroom. I followed and he sat on one couch, I on the another, the coffee table between us.

After a time my clothing was suddenly uncomfortable. I crossed my legs, tucking my hair behind my ear twice. Anything to be distracted. I could hear his breathing, so familiar to me now, and I knew I'd have to forget it soon.

And then my eyes locked onto his.

I marveled at those brown eyes of his, how he always made it so hard for me to decipher what he was really feeling. I felt bad because it looked like he didn't want me here.

_Don't worry, Spike. I'll be gone soon. Just be a little more patient. For me, okay?_

"Are you glad?" I asked, almost unfeeling as him now.

He pretended to be perplexed but I was able to tell the seriosity in his tone. "What do you mean?"

I smiled, crooked and unsure. "That it's almost over..." This was amusing for me, the way I was handling things. _The trick is in what you say, in what you reveal. _That was one line Linda had advised me long ago. I longed for our dead partnership and imagined telling her about Spike. She'd tell me to leave him, that I could do better. Heh, I knew what she would really say, "_I told you. Men will be your downfall..."_

She was right all this time and I wished I followed her instead of believing idiotic things like "_Maybe I can change him_." But what was done was done. I was only left to clean up the mess I had created. Looking back at the past year, I was irritated at myself for all the mistakes that I made, at what I thought could last forever and make me complete.

_How could he do this to me?_

Spike must have had some idea at what I was thinking about because he kept quiet, watching me. Or maybe he was fighting for words to say. I felt guilty for being the reason he was still sitting here. He should be happy with her, I thought. And I meant it with every fiber of my being.

But there was a task at hand and I scanned over what I needed to get accomplished. I couldn't get distracted again. They were things I mulled over yesterday, things I thought mattered the most and what he should know as well as I did.

Discover what he remembers. "Do you still remember the first time we met?" I asked. I remembered it well, the first time we locked eyes.

He seemed taken aback, probably because the question was random. But then he answered, "Yes. I opened the door for you. I told Mr. Arimara we came together late." He smiled at me.

I was pretty impressed at his memory and I almost laughed but held back just in time. Laughing would make me look weak again and I'd end up crying in front of him, for all I knew.

Tell him something I love about him. "You're a great kisser." _I can't believe I just said that_. I hoped to God I wasn't blushing.

He looked surprised again but then he smiled, always warm and inviting. And that deep voice, "So are you."

He was good at this and succeeded in making me feel like he meant it. I should have guessed that he had probably been in situations like this before. And me...just my first time. I would be hurt by all of this, wouldn't I?

Reveal what I knew. "I really was like all the rest." I rested my chin on my left hand and stared out the large window at a cherry tree he had planted out on the lawn. For some reason I could've sworn I heard music playing, somewhere distant and faint. "It's alright, though, I understand now."

He still wasn't saying anything and I was annoyed. Maybe he didn't feel comfortable around me anymore and didn't want to bother to talk. Without even opening his mouth he could make me feel like it was all my fault. I was saying things that were slowly killing us.

We were both silent now but he shifted in his seat, leaned forward over his knees to stare at me more intently. I knew I was going to lose at this. But what was the harm in losing faster?

"I wish you had never lied to me, Spike. You can make me believe anything..." I frowned involuntarily and hugged myself loosely. The wind flew through the opened window and chilled me.

"It all happened too fast..." He was staring at me again, sad. "I didn't mean for..."

"For what? For me to get hurt?" I closed my eyes and I still saw him. I wished he wouldn't haunt me like this but it was inevitable. "I swear..." I opened my eyes again. "What have you done to me?" I smiled, laughing a little.

He had his eyes closed while I was breaking down, falling apart. I had to end this before I would betray myself- I'd do something crazy like try to seduce him. I had a chance, perhaps I was still something to him.

I stood up before I lost my sanity. "I have to get going."

He stared at me, his eyes glowing. I wished he would do something, anything, to make me believe in him again. But my mouth was taking over and I was saying things faster than I was understanding their aftermath.

"I don't need you any more." I said defiantly and sure, running a hand over my forehead to be rid of the bangs falling into my eyes. I thought of Julia. "And don't think I'm stupid enough...not..." I felt weak again, my knees almost buckling under my weight. But I did not fall, not now. "...Not...to...leave you...after what you've done to me."

Spike's eyes were killing me and I realized it might be pity he was feeling, of all things. His fingers moved to pull at his tie, loosening it, his only movement in the past hour. "Faye...are you still in love?" He asked me slowly to make me understand what he meant.

I lied for the both of us, as best as I could. "With someone I thought I knew." I took a step away from him, and then another. He wasn't saying anything again, he didn't even stand up. He was leaning back into his seat, staring at his hands.

_So I am nothing._

I wanted for him to stop me so badly, but he didn't, even as I walked out onto the hall. I took my time, as slow as the clock would let me. Then I opened the door, standing at the doorway between love and hate, and all I could do was stare at my feet.

_Should I leave now?_ It was rhetorical.

I stepped out and pulled the door closed behind me. I looked up and the first thing I saw was Julia's car at his driveway. She was still playing that fucking music. Violin, organs. The soundtrack to our movie.

She locked eyes with me and I was about to demand from her, _What are you doing here? Trying to steal Spike away again?_ But I remembered she was the one who belonged here now and I had no right. No right...

I looked back once and noticed Spike was at the doorway. He was staring. Just staring. I smiled at the both of them, my hair blowing in the wind. But I directed my line for Spike, "Don't call my name anymore, you won't need to. It's over..." I said clearly, but I was leaving the sentence hanging like the fading end of a melody. Like another chance for a girl who won't learn from her mistakes. An emptiness was ringing in my ears and my stomach was knotted harshly within me. And I knew it was because of this, because of everything that went wrong.

_It's over..._

It sounded so definite and I felt it, watched it sink slowly, dying.

_It's over..._

I was walking already, reaching the gate. Leaving them.

Spike and Faye.

_Spike and Julia._

The sun was shining as I got in the car, started it up and drove away.


	12. With Practiced Surprise

Lyrics thanks to Death Cab for Cutie - _Title and Registration_

_-_

**Chapter 12 :** _Mild Manners and Pleasant Surprises_

_-_

Graduation day was empty. For all of us. I can't ever know exactly what they were feeling, or why, but I knew for myself that I no longer had anything left to feel. After my own ceremony, I attended theirs. Obviously it was held on a higher esteem for they were the seniors. I stood beside a tree in the far back, watching them recieve their scrolls. I left before the ceremony was completed because I didn't want to say goodbye.

Afterwards, Electra drove me to the river and we sat there drinking champagne until the sun began to set. We understood the unsaid words and spoke of nothing. When the sun dipped past the horizon and the sky began to turn a navy blue, I stood up.

"I have to head home."

She looked up at me and nodded. "You can go. I'll be here for a little longer."

I stopped to kneel beside her and said softly, "It's Vincent, isn't it?" Electra didn't have to answer and I stood up again, walking down to the main road. "What did the saying go? Love will prevail?"

She chuckled and I waited for her answer. I had never seen her so serious until right then, with her eyes shining as she stared out onto the water. "You and I know better than that."

-

By the time I was 22, I reached a rather stressful part of my life. I'd graduate in a few days and that would bring up the topic of what career I'd have for the rest of my life. Actually...I had to "resign" from my job at the casino when some trouble ensued. I'll leave it at that, if you know what I mean. Without a job, I couldn't pay my rent and the landlady started yelling at me by the steps whenever I came home. And when graduation came, she broke it to me as we both knew she would: "You're evicted in three days. Get packing."

Not that I had much to pack, anyway.

Electra had no room is her own cramped apartment ("Unless you want to share a bed with me, of course..." She winked. I spit out my soda and replied calmly, "Sorry. I don't swing that way.")

So that's how, three days after I graduated, I became_ the _homeless Faye Valentine.

It was around this period that I started drinking and stealing excessively. I drank to forget and I stole what I needed, which for the most part was only food. I couldn't accept anything from Electra, since I took so much from her already. I also become a chain smoker, which I still believe is my worst habit compared to the rest. Every time I breathe in I can remember my first cigarette with him. And it was how his shirt smelled like whenever he pulled me close.

-

I just ordered a hamburger from a fast food restaurant and then ran off to the park. Not to mention, right outside the park was where I had my first kiss with Spike. I lingered over the area while chewing my lunch. I remembered surprise and the acceptance that followed, making me smile. Eventually I snapped out of my reverie and entered the park's main gate. The paths were clear and I chose to walk down the one lined with trees. My white boots scuffed against the pavement softly and all I knew then was loneliness. I took a last bite of my lunch before I threw the rest into the wastebasket a foot away from me. When it landed in, I took a seat on the park bench.

This time of year had a meaning to me now. It was the end of spring and not yet summer; I could tell it with my eyes closed. Inside I could feel it and vivid images would accompany my thought. They were too bright or too dark and there was always too much to say. Lately there was too much of everything, and a little of nothing. Nothing that I wanted.

I was ready to leave but someone took the seat next to me. Who else but Vicious?

"Why hello, Faye. Lovely to see you on a day like this," he said, his voice light. I blinked. Vicious smiled and then cut to the chase. "I heard you were homeless."

I rolled my eyes. "Now who would tell you that?" He stared at me. "Oh...fuck. How did he find out?" What I really wanted to know was why he was still thinking of me.

"Your sister, of course. She's worried about you, you know."

I tried to hide my disappointment. "Oh.. Julia."

"Why don't you pay the Valentine estate a visit?"

I laughed out loud. "No thanks. The last thing I need is to see him- ..her, ever again." I got up to leave, but then I remembered for the third night in a row, I didn't have anywhere to return. "Wait! I change my mind." I said desperately.

"Changed your mind?" He questioned.

_The things I do for a warm bed. And food._ "I think I'll come over for dinner later, if they don't mind."

He smiled. "A good idea. I'll come along, as well."

"Alright, meet me here at..." The clock tower readtwo pm, giving me enough time to go shopping. "At six."

He nodded and with a swish of his coat, disappeared behind the trees.

-

I knocked heavily on her door until she opened up."Faye? What is it?"

I put on my best puppy dog face. "I really need to borrow some money. I promise I'll ...pay you back."

She acted surprised. "And when is that?"

I shrugged. "When I make it big. Come on, we're going shopping." I pulled her out of her house and shoved her into her car.

"What's the occasion?" She asked as she she started it up.

I grinned. "A reunion with my lovely sister and my worst ex." I laughed, and after a while, she laughed along with me.

-

We parked outside Singapore's most popular mall, according to Electra, seeing as I don't have enough money to know all the malls around here. I picked out a variety of outfits and and an hour and a half later, I decided on a simple knee-length white dress.

"Don't you think it makes you look too.." She searched for a word. "Innocent? I don't know."

I smiled. "That's exactly what I'm going for! This is perfect."

Electra rolled her eyes and bought the dress, along with a new pair of shoes for me. After we got into her car, she dropped me off at the park. But before I left she asked, "Why are you going there now, Faye?"

I shrugged. "I need a place to stay for now. And _no_, I will not take you up on that offer of yours."

She laughed. "Alright, alright. Have fun."

I slammed the car door and winked at her through the lowered window. "I'll be sure to have the time of my life."

Vicious waited until Electra's car disappeared around the corner before he decided to scare the shit out of me once more. "Can't you greet me like normal people do?!" I panted, clutching my heart.

He smiled at me. "You look beautiful in that dress." He reached forward to feel the fabric on my shoulder.

I blushed, the word ringing in my ears. _Beautiful_. Then there was the feel of his fingers caressing me through thin cloth. I backed away, out of his grasp. "You don't have to lie in order to make me feel better. I'm not tied to my past." What a lie. I was depending on them too much.

His hand dropped to his side. "You haven't changed." Nothing made sense to me now, and I couldn't ask for any clarity. There were things I had to keep to myself, things I could never understand. The silence stretched for the longest time, until the clock tower started up to startle the both of us. It was six in the evening.

"Should we get going now?" He nodded and led me to the backseat of his limosine. As the chauffer drove us to the estate, the neon lights from the bright streets passed by so quickly. I closed my eyes and tried not to think, but on times like this there was simply one thing to think of.

_I wonder how he's doing_. I wouldn't be all that surprised if I found them engaged. Or married. Or married with kids. I laughed out loud; it was amusing to imagine Spike with a kid. But it was cute.

"What are you smiling about?" I jumped, forgetting he was in the car.

"Nothing really." I let out a breath. "How are ...they doing? I mean, I haven't talked to any of you in years. It seems awkward that we're all meeting up again, you know?"

He crossed his arms and stared out the window. "Spike and Julia haven't moved in together. But he visits the Valentine estate from time to time, and Julia the Spiegel estate. They're doing quite fine." That didn't tell me much, but I didn't want to push any futher. And I didn't have any time- we were already pulling up on the driveway.

I got out of the limo and stared at the mansion, the mansion I used to live in. My eyes drifted to the kitchen window and the lights were on there. Instinctively I ducked behind the car.

"May I ask what you're doing?" Vicious asked, staring at me.

I chuckled nervously. "I think you should ring the bell."

"Alright."

I followed him up the stairs, clutching at his arm and I let my weight fall onto his side. For some reason it was getting harder to walk, and he didn't seem to mind it at all. He paused dramatically before pressing a single finger to the bell. The door opened immediately.

It was Julia.

Thank God.

With practiced surprise she whispered, "Faye? Vicious?" I felt Vicious stiffen at his name and he held onto my arm tighter. _So he still has feelings for her. This is really ..something._

She smiled and opened the door wider and we walked into the main hall. A lot of memories came back to me from my childhood and I didn't need her to lead me into the living room. I sat down comfortably on one of the chairs. _Home_.

"So what brings you two here?" She asked us, a tray of tea already at hand. I shook my head and she offered a cup to Vicious, who accepted.

I looked at him before answering. "Because I'm homeless, and I'm related to you."

She laughed lightly. "You're asking for a place to stay then? I haven't changed your room."

"And uh, I'm hungry, too." I added. Julia was about to respond but then we all heard the heavy descending footsteps down the main staircase. It seemed like hours until he finally stopped at the doorway, scratching the back of his head.

"Hey...is dinner ready yet?"

We locked eyes first. Subconsciously my grip on the handrest tightened but gradually I released the tension. _Damn, he looks good. _I noticed the silence but I couldn't break away from his gaze. I opened my mouth to say something. _Hey Spike?_ How stupid.

Julia shot up from her seat and scared all of us. "Let's all go to the dining room. Dinner is ready.." Spike nodded at her and left the room quickly, following Julia. I felt my face grow hot. He didn't even have the decency to say hi, or say anything for that matter. Well, I should've expected that. Spike was always such a gentleman, but only when he wanted to be.

And now was certainly not the time.

-

_there's no blame for how our love did slowly fade_

and now that it's gone it's like it wasn't there at all

_cause it's too important_

_  
to stay the way it's been _


	13. Splashes of Red

_-_

**Chapter 13 :** _Different Routes to the Same Destination_

_-_

"Pass the butter?" I had to stifle my laugh. It was actually funny when I thought about it- the first thing I said in front of Spike in four years was "Pass the butter."

After I got over my fit of immaturity, I looked up to realize he was actually handing me the butter. I took it gladly and spread it on my bread with a knife.

"So how are things going, for the both of you?" Julia asked suddenly.

Vicious looked up from poking at his peas with a fork. _Doesn't look like he's hungry_, I thought. He cleared his throat before saying, "Things are going well." Julia nodded and turned to me.

I took another sip of my soup and tried to think of something meaningful to say. "Being homeless isn't too bad. You get free stuff, sometimes."

This caused Spike to spit out his own soup and we all stared at him covering his mouth with his palm. Julia handed him a napkin and asked, "Is the soup really that awful?"

Spike wiped his mouth, apparently recovered. "No, that's not it."

We all shrugged and continued on eating.

--

I was glad when dinner was over. In fact, I was the most gladdest I've ever been for anything. After Spike's bad manners, the table was deathly silent and all that could be heard was the clinking of spoons and forks against the plates and bowls and the sound of our chewing. I lost my appetite somewhere after the second course, but I ate all of my dessert. What can I say?

Vicious stood up first, announcing that it was time for him to go. Julia and I walked him to the door and watched him until he drove off into the night. I stepped back inside and she shut the door behind us.

"Feel free to go to your quarters, if you'd like. I'll be in the kitchen if you need me." I watched her put on her white apron and tie the ribbon in the back. Then she turned around to load the dishwasher.

I sighed softly and turned to the hallway, which was pitch black because the lights were still off. I would have walked by him not knowing he was there, but his voice stopped me.

"Faye."

I breathed in sharply. "Spike?"

I heard his clothes rustle when he moved. "What are you doing?" He asked softly.

I blinked in the dark, knowing Julia wouldn't be able to hear us from all the way down the hall. All the lights were off in the mansion except in the kitchen. For all she knew, we were both asleep in our own rooms by now, or watching the evening news or something educational.

"I'm going to my room." I said plainly.

"Since when?" Spike's persistence bothered me. He was so complicated now, so different. I couldn't tell if his next line was going to be "Get the hell out" or if he was only trying to converse with me and being polite.

"...Since when was it my room? Since I was born." We were both still whispering.

"No. Since when have you decided to come home here? What exactly are you trying to do?"

_What the hell? Does he think I'm trying to get back at him by intervening his love life? What a load of bullshit._ "As if you didn't know already, I haven't had anywhere to sleep for three days. In all honesty, I wouldn't be here if I didn't have to." I was fuming. "And if you're so concerned about me being here, well I'll apologize right now: I'm sorry. Okay, I'm sorry! For being here, and for every-fucking-thing else." Before I knew what the hell I was doing, I ran up the main staircase and into my room, shutting and locking the door behind me, somehow still remembering to be as quiet as possible.

--

I didn't know I fell asleep until I woke up at six in the morning sprawled out on my bed. I laid still, listening for signs of anyone being awake. There was nothing except the sound of the water fountain out on the courtyard.

I sat up and I remembered why I went to sleep in a bad mood. I reasoned that if he didn't want to see me and I didn't want to see him, the easiest thing for the both of us would be just to avoid each other. It was all starting to make sense. _This is a piece of cake._

I rubbed my temples and stood shakily in front of the mirror, deciding I needed a shower. I entered the one in my own bedroom and turned the knob for hot water. While I waited for the cold water to warm up, I started to think of things I shouldn't have been thinking of.

_Hm, do they sleep together in the same room? In Julia's room or in the_ _master bedroom? I wonder if they're having some fun right now. It would be amusing if I knocked on their door and scared the shit out of them._ I laughed out loud. _Very amusing._

Still giggling at the thought, I stepped in the hot shower and felt infinitely better. One thing I've learned in my lifetime is that a good shower can wash away everything you don't want to feel.

Or think about.

--

After my shower I changed into some spare clothes folded neatly in my dresser- a pair of jeans and a white t-shirt. In a considerably good mood, I walked out of my room quietly and looked to my left and right. The coast was clear. I continued my way down the staircase and into the kitchen, immediately opening the fridge. I bent down to grab a yogurt on the bottom shelf. I got up and closed the door, only to find Spike leaning on the doorway, staring at me.

I stared at him for a while too, with his shirt in his hands and only his boxers on. His hair was messed up and when I realized what must have happened, I turned away, blushing. _I really shouldn't be thinking about this._

Humming, I picked a spoon and walked past him into the living room. I pushed open the doors and they opened into the courtyard. I continued onto the lawn and finally laid down on the hammock between the two oak trees. Sighing, I peeled open the foiled cover on my yogurt with my teeth. I licked the strawberry off of the cover and crumbled it up into my lap. Then I dug my spoon into my breakfast and savored every spoonful.

When I finished, I laid back down, the hammock swinging by itself. I could have sworn I felt eyes on me but when I turned my head to my left, there was no one by the courtyard. _Hmm._

_"Good morning."_

"HOLY SHIT!!" I fell off the hammock and hit the ground, hard. _Where the hell did he come from?!_

He chuckled, ruffling his hair. "Jeez, Faye, you're going to wake her up."

I got up on my knees and looked up at him, registering his words. "What?"

"She's not a morning person, you know."

I blinked. "..Oh." I brushed off the dust from my lap and picked up the spoon and empty cup, ready to head back inside. I was about to say something idiotic like, "If you don't mind, I'll be avoiding you for the rest of my life. Hopefully you'll do the same" but he caught my wrist. His pull brought me crashing into his chest but he didn't fall. It was enough to catch my attention and I stared at him hard.

"What do you want now?" I tried to be angry but it sounded vulnerable.

His grip on my wrist loosened.

"I don't know anymore."

--

After our little event, I really did try to avoid him. The easiest way to do this was to leave the estate by day, and return for dinner and sleep at night. It was logical enough. I figured both Spike and Julia wouldn't go off alone so if I did end up running into them in the city, they would be together, and that wouldn't be as bad as a private encounter with Spike.

I decided my first goal was to steal something I could use as transportation- a car. Electra and I met up at a cafe and talked about it.

"Let me get this straight- you're going to steal it?" She asked, eyes narrowed.

I waved my hand around. "Yes, Olivo. I mean, where else am I going to get the money? Use your brain. Honestly, Electra."

"And now you're paying for your own coffee."

I pouted. "I am _so_ sorry, I didn't mean my last remark."

"You're very cheap, you know that? The coffee is only 10 woolongs." Electra took a bite from her toast. While chewing she said, "What color are you planning to get?"

I rested my head in my left hand thoughtfully. "I haven't thought about it until now. What about red?"

"Why does everyone want red these days?" She asked, and we both turned to look at her navy car parked outside.

"Because it's _stylish_, alright," I said logically.

She slammed her cup down on the table. "What are you trying to say? That I have no style?"

I stood up. "That's not what I said! You're putting words into my mouth."

Skipping through our friendly argument, we left the cafe and Electra decided she wanted to watch me steal a car.

"Are you sure you don't want to join in the fun?" I asked, playfully jabbing her in the stomach.

She blocked my elbow. "I'd rather not."

"Fine, suit yourself."

We drove to a city right outside Singapore and luckily, I immediately spotted a red sports car in a rather deserted area. I got out and inspected it first. "Good condition!" I yelled out to Electra, sticking my thumb up and grinning.

"You idiot, don't scream that out here!" She said, rubbing her forehead.

"Oh..right."

"Look, I'm going to park a street away from here. If you're successful, I'll follow you back to Singapore. If you get caught, just run back to me and we'll get the hell out of here."

"Good plan," I said, laughing. "But erase that part about me having to run away. I _will_ get this done right."

"When I see it, I'll believe it." She rolled up her window and drove away.

I smoothed the hood with my palm and was glad to know there was no exterior alarm system. Quickly I removed my gun from its place hidden in my shirt. _I have to be efficient. _I shot the window and used my arm to cover my eyes, but the glass shards still managed to cut me elsewhere. _Shit_. Remembering what I came out here to do, I stuck my hand through the broken window and unlocked the door from inside. That's when the alarm sounded.

I pulled the door open, got in the driver's seat, and tried to power the car with an electric device I "bought" from this shady store. "Please, let this piece of shit work..." I groaned. The alarm was getting annoying and even though there was no one outside, I knew someone would get here soon. _Double shit._ I stuck the device in the ignition once more and the engine finally revved up. I adjusted the rear view mirror in time to see a pair of flashing lights. Police.

I debated on putting on my seatbelt, when I realized it was the smartest thing to do before a car chase. My adrenaline was rushing and I loved it. I pressed my foot on the gas and sped straight out of the city.

--

I was pretty sure I lost them after going through an endless amount of alleyways, one-way streets, and the such. "I never knew stealing could be so easy," I said aloud. I parked in an abandoned garage on a dusty road, listening to the sounds of their fading sirens. I contacted Electra with a cell phone Julia was kind enough to lend me that morning.

She picked up. "Are you okay?"

I scowled. "Shut up, of course I'm okay. I'll meet you at the Valentine estate in about ten minutes. It's the only place I can safely park this thing, for now."

"Alright. See you there."

--

When I finally pulled up on the driveway, I saw Spike there, sitting on the steps. He had a white polo on that was unbuttoned halfway and damn, that made him look sexy. I cursed myself inwardly. _Stop it Faye, it was over a long time ago. _I turned the ignition off and sighed back into my seat, wondering how I was going to confront him this time. I looked to my side and watched him smoking and staring at the sky. He was in a world of his own.

Shrugging, I got out of the car and walked around it, looking for any damage that I didn't know of. I found none and returned to the rear. I pulled a screwdriver out of my pocket and successfully got the license plate off. _Damn, where am I supposed to get a new one?_

I went to the front to measure the broken window and found Spike sitting in the driver's seat.

"What exactly are you doing?" I asked blankly.

Spike removed his hands from the steering wheel. "Nice ride. How'd you get it?"

I smiled. "I stole it."

He stuck his hand out through the missing window. "No shit." I rolled my eyes when he got out of the car and leaned against the car beside me.

"So where's Julia?" I questioned. Weren't people who were seeing each other supposed to be spending all their time together?

"Yeah, uh, she went out," He said, glancing at me from the corner of his eye. I followed his view to find my top cut up in certain places. Little splashes of red dotted the remains of my shirt from the broken glass.

"Oh my God." I covered my front protectively.

Spike laughed, taking me by the hand. "Come on, I'll disinfect it for you."

"Disinfect what now?" I asked, my eyes wide.

"Don't be such a sissy, Faye."

"I am not being a-"

He put a hand to my lips. "If this makes you feel better, then I _promise_ you I won't make it hurt." He turned away to drag me up the steps with him, giving me no choice. But there was something in the way he put a finger to my lips, something in his words that made me want to follow him of my own accord.

_Shit Spike, don't do this to me. Not now._

--

A/N: Where has Julia gone? Why isn't Electra there yet? And most of all, what is Spike going to do with Faye alone in a huge mansion?! xD


	14. Easy for You

I did a lot of SF fic reading and reviewing and I feel quite accomplished. lol xD I love you guys.

_-_

**Chapter 14 :** _Coming Undone_

_-_

If this moment represented my resistence, then I had none at all. At least I knew that now. Spike practically dragged me into the house, not entirely against my will, and sat me atop the kitchen counter. I followed his figure as he went to lock the door and return to the room. He opened one of the cabinets and pulled out a first-aid kit. He placed it beside me and opened it up. I stared at one extremely long needle.

I cocked an eyebrow. "How exactly are you going to go about 'disinfecting' me, Spike?"

He rubbed the back of his head. "To tell you the truth, I'm not that sure." I could practically see that sweatdrop going down his face. He laughed when my mouth dropped down.

"You mean to tell me you have no idea what you're doing?"

Spike took out a bottle and a jar of cotton balls from the kit. "Relax, I was only kidding around." He paused. "Now take off your shirt."

I blinked. "What?"

He tried hard not to snicker. "Come on, Faye, it's practically off anyway."

I jumped down from the counter. "I'm sorry, but no. I take pride in the fact that you've never seen me in my underwear."

He sighed, then pretended to think this through intelligently. "What about we make a deal? You can see me in my underwear and then that way, you won't feel uncomfortable being in yours."

I practically choked. "What the hell kind of deal is that?" He didn't seem to be listening to me because he was busy trying to pull down his pants. I held his wrists frantically, stopping him. "Spike, Spike." I shook my head. "No need for that, now."

Spike looked up to watch me as I crossed my arms, my fingers taking hold of the hem of my shirt. I pulled the shirt up and over my head and threw it on the floor. "Happy now?" _Good thing I decided not to wear my lacy bra today_, I thought.

He smirked. "Very."

The next few minutes were spent disinfecting me. In other words, every other dab of alcohol I was squirming around the counter or crying out in a fit of stinging pain.

"Done," he said after pulling out the last piece of glass. He stood upto throw the dark red cotton and the remains of my shirt into the trash. "Now that wasn't so bad, was it?"

"Easy for you to say," I mumbled, stepping to the floor and stretching my arms. "That almost killed me." He walked to the window as I said thanks.

"Yeah." He shrugged. "No problem." He turned his back to me and I stood there for a few minutes watching him silently. A single thought flashed through my mind right then.

I shouldn't have given him up so easily.

--

Julia got back an hour or so later. I heard their voices talking from downstairs and judging from Spike's tone, they weren't on good terms. _Wonder what happened with them_. Sticking to my plan, I decided not to greet them yet. I'd wait until dinner. I got off my bed and walked out onto the balcony, staring at the city lights not too far away. That's when Julia's cell phone started ringing. I almost forgot I still had it. Curious as to who was calling, I accepted the call, not saying a word.

"Julia?" A deep voice asked, apparently tired.

Was it really.. "Vicious?" There was a silence.

"Miss Valentine..." He said finally.

I had a feeling that I wasn't supposed to know about this. "I. I..didn't know...about.." I was stuttering.

He cut me off. "It's not what you think, Faye."

"What am I thinking then?" Vicious sighed heavily, answering enough of my question. "Look, I'm not saying it's the wrong thing to do. Personally..." I lowered my voice, "I think you two make the perfect couple."

"Faye, we really shouldn't be talking about this. I'll get this straightened out the next time I stop by."

I smiled to myself. "Sure, whatever." I hung up the phone and got ready for dinner.

--

I have to admit, Julia was one hell of a cook. Dessert was always the best part and I knew I was eating too much cake because she and Spike stopped eating just to stare at me. I looked up at Julia and remembered about the cell phone. I pulled it out of my pocket and slid it down the table.

She picked it up. "Thank you. Were you able to make use of it?"

I swallowed. "Yeah." I took a sip of wine. "Which reminds me..." I thought of two things to say to her but decided on the safer one- "I need a license plate for the car."

"I can get that done," Spike said, his mouth full.

I beamed. "Really?"

He nodded. "Tomorrow morning, come with me."

I cocked an eyebrow. "Alright. And tell me, how much is it going to cost me really?"

He grinned. "That you will find out tomorrow."

I was glad Julia was oblivious to the deeper meaning of our conversation. It was better that it stayed that way. Afterwards, she got up to load the dishwasher with her apron on again and I wandered outside.

It was the end of June and the weather was always nice. Not that I had anyone to enjoy it with. I sighed, trying to sort out my feelings and found that it wasn't working. I looked back at the car and wanted to take a ride badly, but I'd probably be spotted. Then I'd get into a whole mess and I didn't want that right now.

I walked around to the back and found Spike standing there, smoking a cigarette. I froze, unable to say anything. He turned to look at me and his eyes flashed something I used to be able to recognize. But then it was gone. He moved to sit down on the stone floor and I moved to sit beside him, pulling my knees up to my chest. Every once in a while I'd glance at him smoking.

It suddenly came to me that I haven't smoked in days. What did that mean?

_It means you're not addicted_.

_It means that with Spike around, you don't need to smoke._

The thought infuriated me. So what is this, he's my fucking pack of cigarrettes?

"Give me one." I said abruptly.

He took a breath. "It's my last." He exhaled.

I narrowed my eyes. "Okay, then." I leaned forward to snatch it out of his fingers and brought it to my own lips, inhaling deeply.

He narrowed his eyes. "You're not supposed to do that, Faye."

I laughed. "Since when have I followed the rules?" I exhaled. "And it's not like you do the right thing, either." I thought of how he'd take that line, if he'd take it the way I wanted him to.

"Faye. You're not still mad about the bet thing, are you?"

"You just don't get it, do you Spike?"

"You're making this too fucking complicated." He outstretched his legs. My eyes followed the creases on his jeans.

I looked at him lazily, my head leaned back. "Spike. This was too complicated to begin with."

Then we had a staring contest and after a while I grew tired of the game. I broke his gaze to look at the crescent moon a little over the horizon. It was getting dark and I could barely make out his facial features.

"So." I said finally, not really sure what I was trying to get across. "How are things going with you and Julia?"

"And do you mind telling me where that came from?"

I shrugged. "You two don't seem to be on good terms, that's all."

"Yeah. You're damn right we're not."

"Really," I said, almost whispering, wondering if he knew what might be going on.

The cigarette died and I dropped it on the ground between us. I watched him brush it away and sit closer to me, our shoulders touching lightly. I shivered and sat still, listening to his steady breathing.

"It's been a while since we've...been like this." He said weakly.

I was afraid to look him in the eye but I did anyway. I wished I didn't because he was staring at me hard. I closed my eyes as he lifted a hand to caress my cheek.

"I'm sorry."

I sighed as he let his hand fall to his lap. "For ..what?"

My heart was beating loudly as he moved in front of me, placing his hand on my thigh and leaning in until our noses touched.

"For still fucking wanting you like this."

Spike kissed me hard with his mouth open, running his tongue along my bottom lip before biting my top lip softly. I tried to pull away but he was holding me too tight, and his hand running up and down my leg wasn't helping.

We broke the kiss to breathe but then his lips were on me again just as quickly, tugging on the sensitive skin of my neck. He hands pulled the neckline of my shirt to reveal my shoulder, where he started kissing around the strap of my bra.

"We shouldn't be doing this..." I said finally, giving in and slipping my hands under his untucked shirt.

He smiled against my skin and pulled me closer. "That's exactly why we're doing it, Faye."

The lights went out in the kitchen and it brought back some of reality. It was odd to realize that we couldn't do things like this anymore. This wasn't three years ago where we had all the time and freedom we wanted. Why were we only being honest now? It wasn't making any sense.

So that's what happened. We were cut short.

I looked at Spike's shirt halfway unbuttoned and his hands still gripping me around my stomach. He was still planting reluctant kisses around my neck and I told him softly to stop. He straightened hesitantly and my forehead fell to his chest.

My words came out muffled. "I hate you, Spike."

He smiled, already pulling away from me and going to walk inside. "Don't forget about our date tomorrow."

"Shut the hell up." I followed him inside before the bastard could even think of locking me out.

--

A dream hadn't graced my sleep in a long time, but tonight I had one. But that didn't change the fact that I forgot it the moment I woke up. I only remembered that it was weird and it had something to do with Spike and I and flowers.

I turned to my side and discovered Spike sitting there, drinking coffee from a mug.

"Hey there, sleeping beauty."

I yawned, not entirely surprised to see him there. "What, is it time to go already?"

He set his cup down on my nightstand. "Nah, I just wanted to be here when you woke up."

I rolled my eyes. "Like I can believe that." I sat up and the white sheets fell to my waist. I swung my legs to the side to face Spike fully and noticed he was dressed quite neatly. "Where are we going?"

"Getting a license plate will only take about an hour. I thought afterwards we could go see a movie or something."

I stared at him blankly. "What the hell is wrong with you, Spike?"

He scratched his head. "Everything?"

"Good answer, but it's still wrong," I said, placing a hand on his head of hair to help me get up. I stretched my arms. "You seem to be forgetting that you have Julia and I have..." I trailed off. A second later I resumed with, " ..my car."

"Your car." He snorted. "You, Faye, need to get out more."

I pulled at the collar of his shirt so that our faces were only inches way. "Will you just shut up and stop acting like an insensitive jerk?" I lowered my voice. "You're too late anyway."

Spike traced my lip with his thumb and suddenly irritated, I dropped my grip on his shirt, letting him sit back into his chair roughly. "We'll see about that, Faye."

I pointed to the door. "You need to leave. I have to get dressed."

He stood up, shoving his hands into his pockets. "Alright, alright. I picked out a dress for you and it's hanging in the bathroom." He stood at the doorway and winked. "Don't keep me waiting." He turned away and pulled the door closed behind him.

I rolled my eyes at the closed door. _Like hell I will! Bastard. _I was still laughing to myself as I walked into bathroom, curious to see which of my dresses Spike picked out.

--


	15. Quite a Love Square

Short update; pretty pointless. I'm giving the story probably 2 more chapters before it must end.

_-_

**Chapter 15 :** _Almost There, Going Nowhere_

_-_

The dress was a simple dark navy color. It was a pretty depressing shade and I wondered why he picked it. Shrugging, I pulled it on and headed downstairs, not even bothering to put any makeup on or to check my reflection. _I probably look good anyway_, I thought to myself. _Yeah._.

"I knew it'd fit you well." I peered down and saw the forest green bush of hair waiting by the open door. He was laughing to himself, the idiot.

"What the hell do you mean by that?" I asked, brushing past him roughly and pulling him along, out of the doorway.

"Nothing. You're always so uptight, Faye. Relax and take a compliment." He shook his head and started up the car.

"Well. If that was your idea of a compliment, then I'd rather you make fun of me," I said honestly.

--

"And…where exactly are you taking me again?" I asked as we drove down a yet another shady alleyway.

"A friend of mine who lives around here." He tried to sound reassuring, but frankly, we both knew we were lost.

"You moron. I swear to God, after this is over I'll kill you for wasting my time," I hissed under my breath, but right then, he made a left and we found ourselves in a deserted parking lot.

"What do you know. I wasn't lost after all." Spike chuckled and got out of the car before I could smack him in the head.

We went up a musty elevator and walked down a dark hallway. He knocked at the last door and we came face-to-face with a muscular dude.

Spike and this guy immediately started slapping each others' backs and laughing like old-time friends. I had no idea there were more idiots like him that actually existed. Also, this weird cat came out of nowhere and kept purring against Spike's leg. It was really irritating me for some reason and I felt like kicking it.

Bored, I coughed loudly and they paused to recognize my presence. I raised my eyebrow. "I'm here for a license plate, if the two of you forgot."

His voice was pretty deep and scratchy. "Oh right, right, Spike called in earlier. I have it ready." He immediately handed me a brown box. "It's in there."

"Thanks, VT," Spike said. "I owe you one." He tossed the guy a few woolongs and we left, the cat still purring after Spike.

Back at the car, I asked him how he knew this "VT" guy. Spike burst out laughing and told me she was a woman.

--

Instead of going straight home, Spike took me to a nice freshwater lake. We sat down next to each other and just enjoyed breathing in deeply and then exhaling. However, my stomach began to growl after this spiritualistic breathing session.

Spike cast me a sideways smirk. "I'm guessing that means you're hungry."

"Wrong. I'm _starving_." I patted my stomach as if to prove my point. Spike proceeded to get up, head to his car and return with a picnic basket.

"Where the hell…did that come from?" I asked, a little dumbfounded. I watched him spread a red checkered cloth on the floor and sit on it.

"I prepared it earlier." He patted a spot next to him. "Now sit here."

Rolling my eyes, I sat next to him anyway and he handed me a sandwich and a juice box.

"You're really funny, you know that, Spike?" I remarked, taking a bite out of my sandwich.

"Yeah. I kind of knew that already."

I guess he didn't find it funny for us to be drinking out of juice boxes. Or that he bothered to cut the crusts off the white bread. Spike was always thoughtful. Just in weird, contradictory ways that I couldn't figure out back then.

By the time we got back home, it was around five in the evening. We installed the new license plate on my car and I was glad to see it had no obnoxious lettering or phrases. Just random numbers and letters.

We went inside and found Julia already preparing dinner, whistling to a rather melancholy tune in that little cynical head of hers.

"Julia, we're home."

I glared at Spike. His girlfriend wasn't supposed to know the "we" part. I took a wild guess to say Spike forgot about that little piece of information.

Julia turned around. I could tell she had been thinking about something deeply for a while now just by the look on her face, but the expression was fleeting. She switched to a faked look of surprise.

"What's for dinner?" I questioned, hoping she wouldn't ask why we took so long just to get a license plate. That was _if_ she remembered our conversation at the dinner table the night before. An awkward conversation, at that.

Julia pointed to the oven. "I'm baking lasagna."

"Ah… so is Vicious coming for dinner again?" I smirked at her.

She shrugged. "If he stops by, I have no choice but to let him in for the meal."

Spike unexpectedly cut in. "You know that's not true."

Before a full-fledged argument started, I began chuckling nervously and pulled Spike's sleeve, dragging him up the stairs and leaving Julia who turned back to her cooking.

"Shit Faye, what are you doing?" He gritted his teeth and pulled out of my grasp.

"I was only trying to avoid a lover's dispute. We have quite a love square going on here."

He scoffed. "Thanks to me, I presume."

I looked away, pretending to think about it. I looked back at him. "Yeah, you're right. It actually _is_ all your fault."

Spike narrowed his eyes. "I was being sarcastic. And how was _I_ supposed to know that _she_ was _your_ sister? It wasn't supposed to be like this." He was practically fuming. It was funny.

"So maybe it's Julia's fault. Okay, let's stop pointing fingers for tonight because I'm tired. I guess I'll see you at dinner, Mr-Ex-Boyfriend." And at that, I walked into my bedroom and closed the door at his face.

There was thick mahogany wood between us now, but I swear I could see the look of frustration etched on his features. He absolutely hated it when I called him that.

Which is precisely why I said it.


End file.
